Wow, lack of sleep really effs up your brain.
I didn't track calories yesterday and I probably won't today. My thinking is clouded by sleep deprivation and right now I'm saying screw it no more calorie counting. Ugh.
I've gotten 8 hours of sleep in the past 2 days, so I'm thinking I'm not all here right now. I'm tired, but not tired enough. For me, I have to be completely unable to keep myself awake before I can fall asleep, which is probably why I have such messed up sleeping habits/patterns/whatevers.
It's suppose to snow all day and feel like 3 to -2 effing degrees today. Summer was a bitch, but the cold hurts. I'm having a hard time keeping myself warm this winter, and that doesn't make any damn sense because I have more fat now. Blubber.
Ignore this, I'm going to bed.
Goodnight! <3
Monday, December 13, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Sleeping the day away really sucks.
Another sleepless night, and I lacked the determination to make myself get up before 5pm. Oh yeah, it was bad.
I can't promise that I won't have anything else that contains calories, but I'm going to try my hardest to keep everything but water out of my mouth and try to get back on a normal sleeping schedule. Today's net caloric intake: 1938.
I feel like dancing, but I'm not going to count that as exercise. See how off these numbers are? I wish I could afford a BodyBugg; I plan on getting one as soon as I can (if the need for one is still there, of course). The tracking isn't as bothersome as it has been in the past, but I just don't want to do it anymore because I know it's completely inaccurate. Also, I do not plan on tracking calories my whole life, so it seems kind of ridiculous to be doing it at all. I almost can't stop though because I like seeing the patterns of when, why, and what I eat. I'll finish this week out, but I'm thinking I might just switch my focus back over to eating when I'm hungry and making sure I'm only eating portioned out servings.
The trial and error game continues.
I can't promise that I won't have anything else that contains calories, but I'm going to try my hardest to keep everything but water out of my mouth and try to get back on a normal sleeping schedule. Today's net caloric intake: 1938.
I feel like dancing, but I'm not going to count that as exercise. See how off these numbers are? I wish I could afford a BodyBugg; I plan on getting one as soon as I can (if the need for one is still there, of course). The tracking isn't as bothersome as it has been in the past, but I just don't want to do it anymore because I know it's completely inaccurate. Also, I do not plan on tracking calories my whole life, so it seems kind of ridiculous to be doing it at all. I almost can't stop though because I like seeing the patterns of when, why, and what I eat. I'll finish this week out, but I'm thinking I might just switch my focus back over to eating when I'm hungry and making sure I'm only eating portioned out servings.
The trial and error game continues.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Oy vey...
I only got about 5 hours of sleep today, and we all know what happens when we're tired and forcing ourselves to stay awake....
Net caloric intake: 2400.
Thank god I got some kind of activity in today.
Net caloric intake: 2400.
Thank god I got some kind of activity in today.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Success!
I'm guessing it was easier to control my intake today because I ate quite a lot yesterday, it tends to work out that way. Today's net caloric intake: 1888.
I'm going to try to get to bed early tonight so I can get the house cleaned tomorrow and plan out proper meals. We'll see how all that turns out. :p
I'm going to try to get to bed early tonight so I can get the house cleaned tomorrow and plan out proper meals. We'll see how all that turns out. :p
Can I just say RAWR?!
Seriously, my weight is down 3.2 lbs. today. Why?!
The scale is so frustrating.
Just a quick vent, I'm really not that upset about it. :p
Now, let's see if I can keep it down there for next Wednesday....
The scale is so frustrating.
Just a quick vent, I'm really not that upset about it. :p
Now, let's see if I can keep it down there for next Wednesday....
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Weigh-in Wednesday: Week 1
Well, I did in fact have a gain this week. My weight went up 1.4 lbs, despite following a calorie recommendation that should have allowed me to lose at least 1 lb. and I've been exercising. It's frustrating, but I'm still proud of myself for sticking it through to the end and doing everything right. Now I'm thinking the calorie recommendation that was suggested may be wrong. So for this week, excluding today, I'm going to try to keep my net caloric intake below 2,000 (or right at 2,000) because I think the upper limit that was set might be too close to my BMR. We'll see how that works. I know it's going to be difficult because having those up days where I was 200 or 300 calories over 2,000 really helped me with the days I ate less.
Everyone is so supportive, and I truly appreciate it. I'm waiting for someone to come around and just say it: "When the hell are you just going to lose this damn weight?" lol Seriously, this year I planned on losing weight....not gaining 10 lbs. This journey, thus far, has led me down a different path. I've started to change my mind, my attitude, the way I perceive things all for the better, and that's awesome. That's what still makes this year a success.
I still have a long way to go, not just with my weight, but I know I'll get there. Finding that balance between my logical self and my emotional self will allow everything else to just fall into place. The confusion and lost feeling are subsiding, and I'm starting to enjoy the ride. :)
Everyone is so supportive, and I truly appreciate it. I'm waiting for someone to come around and just say it: "When the hell are you just going to lose this damn weight?" lol Seriously, this year I planned on losing weight....not gaining 10 lbs. This journey, thus far, has led me down a different path. I've started to change my mind, my attitude, the way I perceive things all for the better, and that's awesome. That's what still makes this year a success.
I still have a long way to go, not just with my weight, but I know I'll get there. Finding that balance between my logical self and my emotional self will allow everything else to just fall into place. The confusion and lost feeling are subsiding, and I'm starting to enjoy the ride. :)
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
This is it.
Today was a much better day, I was in a way better mood and I got a lot done. I exercised in short spurts throughout the day, ate sensibly, drank all my water, and just did the damn thing. Today was a success. :)
Net caloric intake: 1697.
I'm super nervous about tomorrow's weigh-in. I just want to say I've lost something, anything. I weighed myself yesterday and I was up 0.8 lbs, that sucks. Oh well, I'm still glad today went so well.
Net caloric intake: 1697.
I'm super nervous about tomorrow's weigh-in. I just want to say I've lost something, anything. I weighed myself yesterday and I was up 0.8 lbs, that sucks. Oh well, I'm still glad today went so well.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Baby it's cold outside...no really, it's freezing.
I don't think we got out of the 20's today. So freaking cold, and beautifully bright and white. :D
Spent the day cleaning and attempting to rearrange my room only to realize there's no room to move things around and had to put everything back the way it was, oh yay a run on sentence. Anyway, net caloric intake for the day was 1754.
Stay warm and be safe on the roads if you live in snowy/icy places (and if you live somewhere sunny and warm I'm glaring at you).
Spent the day cleaning and attempting to rearrange my room only to realize there's no room to move things around and had to put everything back the way it was, oh yay a run on sentence. Anyway, net caloric intake for the day was 1754.
Stay warm and be safe on the roads if you live in snowy/icy places (and if you live somewhere sunny and warm I'm glaring at you).
Saturday, December 4, 2010
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....
It snowed today, yay! It was gorgeous and magical, just as the first snowfall of winter always is.
Today was an off day, I ended up staying up for 24 hours watching movies all night. It was fun and I don't regret it, especially since it looks like I'll be dozing off at a decent time tonight. Went out for a drive in the snow flurries, took a 2 hour nap, woke up to a winter wonderland, and played in the snow all night. Now I'm freezing my ass off and desperately trying to warm myself up.
Because I hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep I decided today would be a free day for calorie watching; net caloric intake was 2398, still where I need to be for a loss. Still a success, so woo hoo!
Time for another movie, or two, and then off to bed.
Goodnight! <3
Today was an off day, I ended up staying up for 24 hours watching movies all night. It was fun and I don't regret it, especially since it looks like I'll be dozing off at a decent time tonight. Went out for a drive in the snow flurries, took a 2 hour nap, woke up to a winter wonderland, and played in the snow all night. Now I'm freezing my ass off and desperately trying to warm myself up.
Because I hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep I decided today would be a free day for calorie watching; net caloric intake was 2398, still where I need to be for a loss. Still a success, so woo hoo!
Time for another movie, or two, and then off to bed.
Goodnight! <3
Friday, December 3, 2010
Doing good!
So much for staying in that calorie range. I was hungry today, and I don't regret the choices I made because they're still low enough for me to lose weight. My net caloric intake today was 2207. The exercise I did today was pretty half-assed, but at least I got out of bed.
Looking forward to tomorrow, I'll have the house to myself again. I do much better when I'm alone and able to do things on my time. Well, duh. :p
Looking forward to tomorrow, I'll have the house to myself again. I do much better when I'm alone and able to do things on my time. Well, duh. :p
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Laughing counts as exercise, right?
Today was a good day. :)
This morning I stepped on the scale (daily habit) and was surprised to see that I had lost 2 lbs. Woo hoo! Even more surprised to find out later today that I (TMI alert) started my period. First time since last December, so as much as the cramping sucks it's a relief to me every time I get it. Sorry, anyway.... I didn't exercise today, instead I went out for a drive and spent the rest of my time in bed web surfing. It's so cold here, and I was chatting with some buddies. It was nice to just curl up in my warm bed and reconnect with people.
My net caloric intake today was 2355. Supposedly, I can eat that and still lose 1 lb., so I'm not too worried about it being up there. Tomorrow will be lower, aiming for 1700-1800.
I want hot chocolate right now. It's warm and chocolately, fulfilling two of my desires....but I would have to workout to fit it in. No, I'll just go to bed. :p
Goodnight! <3
This morning I stepped on the scale (daily habit) and was surprised to see that I had lost 2 lbs. Woo hoo! Even more surprised to find out later today that I (TMI alert) started my period. First time since last December, so as much as the cramping sucks it's a relief to me every time I get it. Sorry, anyway.... I didn't exercise today, instead I went out for a drive and spent the rest of my time in bed web surfing. It's so cold here, and I was chatting with some buddies. It was nice to just curl up in my warm bed and reconnect with people.
My net caloric intake today was 2355. Supposedly, I can eat that and still lose 1 lb., so I'm not too worried about it being up there. Tomorrow will be lower, aiming for 1700-1800.
I want hot chocolate right now. It's warm and chocolately, fulfilling two of my desires....but I would have to workout to fit it in. No, I'll just go to bed. :p
Goodnight! <3
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Starting Over
I decided that today would be the day to start this whole weight loss thing over. Starting fresh always feels good, and this feels like the best time to get back on track and get serious about dropping this weight. No need to wait for January 1st anymore; I want 2011 to be my best year, EVER!
January 1, 2010. That's when I decided I was going to lose all the weight I had gained in nursing school and work on reaching a healthier weight for my height. That's when I started posting on YouTube. During the past 11 months I have lost 10 lbs. and gained 20. I don't see that as a failure though. What if I had not been thinking about weight loss or posting videos? I would have gained more, most likely. The reason I didn't lose more was due to my lack of effort. I didn't want to put the necessary work into losing the pounds. Now, today, I am ready.
I'm finally in a place where I realize this is what I want, and I am doing this for me.
For the food part of my plan I will be doing a modified calorie shifting plan. Modified meaning I'm taking the basic principal of changing my daily caloric intake every day. Today's net caloric intake was 1830.
The exercise I plan on doing will consist of 1.4 mile walks around the neighborhood, walking DVDs, freestyle dancing, and pretty much anything that gets me out of bed and moving. I also plan on lifting light weights three times a week.
This is very doable; no deprivation, not overly exerting, but effective. I know I'm going to struggle with food cravings, but making videos and blogging should help keep my mind occupied.
I'm ready to rock December!
January 1, 2010. That's when I decided I was going to lose all the weight I had gained in nursing school and work on reaching a healthier weight for my height. That's when I started posting on YouTube. During the past 11 months I have lost 10 lbs. and gained 20. I don't see that as a failure though. What if I had not been thinking about weight loss or posting videos? I would have gained more, most likely. The reason I didn't lose more was due to my lack of effort. I didn't want to put the necessary work into losing the pounds. Now, today, I am ready.
I'm finally in a place where I realize this is what I want, and I am doing this for me.
For the food part of my plan I will be doing a modified calorie shifting plan. Modified meaning I'm taking the basic principal of changing my daily caloric intake every day. Today's net caloric intake was 1830.
The exercise I plan on doing will consist of 1.4 mile walks around the neighborhood, walking DVDs, freestyle dancing, and pretty much anything that gets me out of bed and moving. I also plan on lifting light weights three times a week.
This is very doable; no deprivation, not overly exerting, but effective. I know I'm going to struggle with food cravings, but making videos and blogging should help keep my mind occupied.
I'm ready to rock December!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Why can't this be easier?
You know those moments where you feel incredibly inspired and completely in control over everything, and in that moment you are so sure that this is going to be your time and finally lose the weight? Why can't that moment last throughout your entire journey? Why does that fire fizzle out so quickly?
I keep thinking that I'm just not ready to do this, but then I yell at myself for choosing to be insanely obese. For some reason, I have it in my head that when I am ready I will feel motivated every day and never have to deal with a craving again; I'll want to workout every day, and it will feel good. That's crazy, isn't it? Losing weight takes work, physically and mentally. It takes effort, and I'm so lazy that I just don't want to do the work. I haven't been, and that's why my weight continues to climb.
I feel lost. I hate my body, I hate who I am, and I want better. This is what I think about daily. Why can't I just do what needs to be done and live a better life already? Why do I continue to hold myself back? I can't figure this out.
My obsession with food and eating is pathetic. This whole year I've been trying to lose weight without changing my eating habits because the thought of doing so upset me. "I have to start eating half of what I'm use to? No way, I'll be moody and feel like crap, I won't want to exercise and then this weight will never come off." That's the voice that starts talking when I think about cutting calories or eating more healthy. It's sad; I'm like a slave to food.
I'm finally realizing that not every day is going to be easy. I'm not always going to be gung ho about doing what I need to do. This might make me sound spoiled, trust me I'm not, but I've never really had to work for anything. There are things I choose to work harder at (music and nursing, for example), but weight loss never made it onto that list.
I want to be one of those people who can lose 5-10 lbs. in one week. Well, kind of. Thanks to a Grey's Anatomy episode, rapid weight loss scares me. I'm lucky to lose 1-3 lbs. in a week. That's totally healthy, but when I feel like I'm depriving myself and working harder than usual it's very discouraging. Even more discouraging when it's so easy to gain 5 lbs. in a week. Weight loss is such a bitch.
I keep thinking that I'm just not ready to do this, but then I yell at myself for choosing to be insanely obese. For some reason, I have it in my head that when I am ready I will feel motivated every day and never have to deal with a craving again; I'll want to workout every day, and it will feel good. That's crazy, isn't it? Losing weight takes work, physically and mentally. It takes effort, and I'm so lazy that I just don't want to do the work. I haven't been, and that's why my weight continues to climb.
I feel lost. I hate my body, I hate who I am, and I want better. This is what I think about daily. Why can't I just do what needs to be done and live a better life already? Why do I continue to hold myself back? I can't figure this out.
My obsession with food and eating is pathetic. This whole year I've been trying to lose weight without changing my eating habits because the thought of doing so upset me. "I have to start eating half of what I'm use to? No way, I'll be moody and feel like crap, I won't want to exercise and then this weight will never come off." That's the voice that starts talking when I think about cutting calories or eating more healthy. It's sad; I'm like a slave to food.
I'm finally realizing that not every day is going to be easy. I'm not always going to be gung ho about doing what I need to do. This might make me sound spoiled, trust me I'm not, but I've never really had to work for anything. There are things I choose to work harder at (music and nursing, for example), but weight loss never made it onto that list.
I want to be one of those people who can lose 5-10 lbs. in one week. Well, kind of. Thanks to a Grey's Anatomy episode, rapid weight loss scares me. I'm lucky to lose 1-3 lbs. in a week. That's totally healthy, but when I feel like I'm depriving myself and working harder than usual it's very discouraging. Even more discouraging when it's so easy to gain 5 lbs. in a week. Weight loss is such a bitch.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Hai!
I need to make a video, but I just haven't felt like it. :/
I've decided to step down from the Hot 4 Halloween challenge, as well as the 28-day challenge. This is something I've tried to avoid doing, but the more I thought about it the more I realized these challenges are just not for me. I do better when I'm on my own and doing this because I want to. It was a great experience; I had never participated in a challenge before. I've met some amazing people, and I do continue to follow all of them through YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. I am so proud of everyone who has stuck with this thing, and I enjoy seeing you all succeed.
My life feels as though it's been turned upside down. I'm lost again. I should explain, but I don't feel like doing that either. I don't know what I'm going to do.... I need to deal with my emotions, but I'm finding it really hard to do that right now. Not sure why that is. Right when I'm about to figure these feelings out I push them back down and forget about them. It's weird.
The weather has been gorgeous here, and I'm hoping to step outside of my comfort zone pretty soon and start going for walks around the neighborhood. Why is that such a big deal? 1. I don't like being outside of the house by myself, 2. I don't know anyone here and really don't want to have to put on the cheery chitchat face, and 3. I know going up those hills are going to make me wheeze and fear someone seeing/hearing it. Stupid reasons, but I let them hold me back. That needs to stop.
I hope you're all doing well, the weekend is almost here. Yay! :)
I've decided to step down from the Hot 4 Halloween challenge, as well as the 28-day challenge. This is something I've tried to avoid doing, but the more I thought about it the more I realized these challenges are just not for me. I do better when I'm on my own and doing this because I want to. It was a great experience; I had never participated in a challenge before. I've met some amazing people, and I do continue to follow all of them through YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. I am so proud of everyone who has stuck with this thing, and I enjoy seeing you all succeed.
My life feels as though it's been turned upside down. I'm lost again. I should explain, but I don't feel like doing that either. I don't know what I'm going to do.... I need to deal with my emotions, but I'm finding it really hard to do that right now. Not sure why that is. Right when I'm about to figure these feelings out I push them back down and forget about them. It's weird.
The weather has been gorgeous here, and I'm hoping to step outside of my comfort zone pretty soon and start going for walks around the neighborhood. Why is that such a big deal? 1. I don't like being outside of the house by myself, 2. I don't know anyone here and really don't want to have to put on the cheery chitchat face, and 3. I know going up those hills are going to make me wheeze and fear someone seeing/hearing it. Stupid reasons, but I let them hold me back. That needs to stop.
I hope you're all doing well, the weekend is almost here. Yay! :)
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Craziness.
I think that word sums up the past few days pretty well.
September 1st. You know what that means, don't you? We have officially completed the first month of Hot 4 Halloween. Congratulations to those of you who stuck it through thus far, and to those of you who realized this challenge just wasn't for you--you will be missed, a lot!
A lot of drama has been spreading through my team and it's really stressing me out. I wish people would stop causing trouble and just push their grudges aside so we can just do this thing without all the negativity. No I don't mean you should shut up and not voice your opinions, but whatever issues you may have with someone should be discussed privately with that person. I do feel a little let down by my team leader, only because she did not meet my expectations. It's not personal, nor is it completely her fault. I was expecting more communication, more interaction. Instead of saying you're unhappy and not getting what you need/expect why not tell that person exactly what you expect of them? I doubt our team leader is a mind reader, she's not going to be able to help you if you don't tell her what you need.
That's my two cents. I just want it all to stop. We even had Greg come in on our page telling us to stop, that's ridiculous guys. We're going to be tearing ourselves apart here pretty soon if we don't grow up and try to get along.
Now that that is off my chest....
This past weekend was not a good one. I slipped into one of those nasty funks and was feeling really down. Usually on Mondays I'm able to pull myself out and hop right back on the wagon, but this time it lingered a bit. Luckily, I had a lot of amazing people reach out to me and yank me out of that depressing mood. The support I received on Monday was incredible. I cried a lot, good tears though. I had never felt so cared for in my life, and it was genuine. You guys are amazing, and I love you so much. <3
Today should have been filled with exercise and NCLEX prep. I spent the day on both of my Facebook accounts. Flirting with Prince Charming on the one, and watching the soap opera unfold on the other. I answered about 20 NCLEX-style questions and got 75% of them right. Not too bad from being away from the material for 4 months.
Classes started at my college this week, on Monday. I want to be back there so bad. While school stressed me out to the max., I had so much freedom there and I really miss that. I went out, I walked around campus, I got to choose what foods I ate, I had people to talk to and hang out with, there was air conditioning (lol). I've always been in school, from pre-school to college... I don't know life without it, and right now I'm not really liking it. It must be my home, which I hate to say.
I feel as though I've put my family in a bad light, so to speak. They have bad habits, it's not their fault. Their reluctance to change is frustrating as hell, but I can't blame them. Habits are hard to break. My parents are able to lose weight eating crap and not working out, smoking and downing alcohol and Mountain Dew. I'm not. I love my family, and I'm very lucky to have them, but I can't wait to move out on my own.
I usually go back and read my posts to make sure they make sense, somewhat. I don't feel like doing that tonight. It's kind of all over the place, and if it seems completely off the wall...sorry. I have to get in some more study time before I do anything else tonight.
Have a wonderful week everyone! :)
September 1st. You know what that means, don't you? We have officially completed the first month of Hot 4 Halloween. Congratulations to those of you who stuck it through thus far, and to those of you who realized this challenge just wasn't for you--you will be missed, a lot!
A lot of drama has been spreading through my team and it's really stressing me out. I wish people would stop causing trouble and just push their grudges aside so we can just do this thing without all the negativity. No I don't mean you should shut up and not voice your opinions, but whatever issues you may have with someone should be discussed privately with that person. I do feel a little let down by my team leader, only because she did not meet my expectations. It's not personal, nor is it completely her fault. I was expecting more communication, more interaction. Instead of saying you're unhappy and not getting what you need/expect why not tell that person exactly what you expect of them? I doubt our team leader is a mind reader, she's not going to be able to help you if you don't tell her what you need.
That's my two cents. I just want it all to stop. We even had Greg come in on our page telling us to stop, that's ridiculous guys. We're going to be tearing ourselves apart here pretty soon if we don't grow up and try to get along.
Now that that is off my chest....
This past weekend was not a good one. I slipped into one of those nasty funks and was feeling really down. Usually on Mondays I'm able to pull myself out and hop right back on the wagon, but this time it lingered a bit. Luckily, I had a lot of amazing people reach out to me and yank me out of that depressing mood. The support I received on Monday was incredible. I cried a lot, good tears though. I had never felt so cared for in my life, and it was genuine. You guys are amazing, and I love you so much. <3
Today should have been filled with exercise and NCLEX prep. I spent the day on both of my Facebook accounts. Flirting with Prince Charming on the one, and watching the soap opera unfold on the other. I answered about 20 NCLEX-style questions and got 75% of them right. Not too bad from being away from the material for 4 months.
Classes started at my college this week, on Monday. I want to be back there so bad. While school stressed me out to the max., I had so much freedom there and I really miss that. I went out, I walked around campus, I got to choose what foods I ate, I had people to talk to and hang out with, there was air conditioning (lol). I've always been in school, from pre-school to college... I don't know life without it, and right now I'm not really liking it. It must be my home, which I hate to say.
I feel as though I've put my family in a bad light, so to speak. They have bad habits, it's not their fault. Their reluctance to change is frustrating as hell, but I can't blame them. Habits are hard to break. My parents are able to lose weight eating crap and not working out, smoking and downing alcohol and Mountain Dew. I'm not. I love my family, and I'm very lucky to have them, but I can't wait to move out on my own.
I usually go back and read my posts to make sure they make sense, somewhat. I don't feel like doing that tonight. It's kind of all over the place, and if it seems completely off the wall...sorry. I have to get in some more study time before I do anything else tonight.
Have a wonderful week everyone! :)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Confession!
I had a Coke Zero today.
We were out shopping and we picked up something for lunch and I decided to grab a soda. However, I'm not totally stressing over it.
We also stopped by a winery and picked up some yummy, sweet wine. It was the best wine I've ever had. So in love! <3
The weather has been gorgeous today and I even got in an hour of walking, which I think will just be my daily workout. I may dance a little bit later tonight though, haven't decided yet.
A wonderful day with the family. Now I'm starving and about to go make a salad for dinner. Have a lovely evening everyone! :)
We were out shopping and we picked up something for lunch and I decided to grab a soda. However, I'm not totally stressing over it.
We also stopped by a winery and picked up some yummy, sweet wine. It was the best wine I've ever had. So in love! <3
The weather has been gorgeous today and I even got in an hour of walking, which I think will just be my daily workout. I may dance a little bit later tonight though, haven't decided yet.
A wonderful day with the family. Now I'm starving and about to go make a salad for dinner. Have a lovely evening everyone! :)
Monday, August 23, 2010
Getting back on track.
Whoa, so sorry for that last post. I was feeling really bogged down with life's shitty side. All better now. :)
I weighed-in today at 340.0 lbs., and that is a gain of 2.6 lbs. from last week. Obviously it's not a surprise since I was stepping on the scale every morning. Today I didn't really care about the number. I'm feeling slimmer, and my body moves better. I checked a couple of measurements and I do believe I've lost an inch off my waist since August 1st. Woo hoo!
So, with every gain comes a new gameplan. I am cutting out soda, strictly, forever. It's quite obvious that I can't control myself around it. And I'm okay with the ban because I did it before. I will also be upping my exercise. 30 minutes every day, at least. Today I did 60 minutes, yay! I am aiming for 64 oz. of water daily, it's only 6:45 pm and I've already exceeded that. The food will take a while to work on, but I'm trying to be more conscious about when and why I'm eating.
Today has been a success. Now I need to clean the house before the parentals get home. lol Goodnight loves! <3
I weighed-in today at 340.0 lbs., and that is a gain of 2.6 lbs. from last week. Obviously it's not a surprise since I was stepping on the scale every morning. Today I didn't really care about the number. I'm feeling slimmer, and my body moves better. I checked a couple of measurements and I do believe I've lost an inch off my waist since August 1st. Woo hoo!
So, with every gain comes a new gameplan. I am cutting out soda, strictly, forever. It's quite obvious that I can't control myself around it. And I'm okay with the ban because I did it before. I will also be upping my exercise. 30 minutes every day, at least. Today I did 60 minutes, yay! I am aiming for 64 oz. of water daily, it's only 6:45 pm and I've already exceeded that. The food will take a while to work on, but I'm trying to be more conscious about when and why I'm eating.
Today has been a success. Now I need to clean the house before the parentals get home. lol Goodnight loves! <3
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I'm done.
Day by day plays are done.
Weighing myself every day is done.
Worrying about my weight every fucking second is done.
These past couple of days I was not my happy, motivated self.
My mom was home yesterday and decided it would be a good day to bitch at me, after a heated argument with a co-worker the day before. At least I didn't stress-eat. I don't like working out when my parents are home; I have to hole up in my hot, cramped room and they always bother me. So no workout. I have been drinking soda like crazy again. Like 2 cans a day, including today.
Today was pretty good though. It was a beautiful day and I got in an awesome 60 minute workout (cardio-50, weights-10). I pampered myself afterwards. Now I feel like complete crap, and I think it might have been the chicken I had for lunch. I can never tell when something has gone bad. :/
I just watched Greg's video and it got me thinking. I was going to comment, but realized I was ranting; it's blog material, I think.
I say it all the time: I want to lose weight. I hate being fat. I'm not happy like this. However, I continue to choose bad food; I continue to take a day off from working out. It's a continuous cycle that is slowly increasing my weight. Then I sit there, stuffing my face, and wonder what it's going to take to make me change. I get so pissed off at myself for not truly wanting to lose this weight. Because if I really wanted it I would do it; wouldn't I? Why do I continue to choose this life that I've hated since I was 4 years old? Why won't I change after having some scary experiences that clearly depict how unhealthy I am right now? Sometimes I wish I would just have a heart attack and die already. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this either.
I feel lost.
Weighing myself every day is done.
Worrying about my weight every fucking second is done.
These past couple of days I was not my happy, motivated self.
My mom was home yesterday and decided it would be a good day to bitch at me, after a heated argument with a co-worker the day before. At least I didn't stress-eat. I don't like working out when my parents are home; I have to hole up in my hot, cramped room and they always bother me. So no workout. I have been drinking soda like crazy again. Like 2 cans a day, including today.
Today was pretty good though. It was a beautiful day and I got in an awesome 60 minute workout (cardio-50, weights-10). I pampered myself afterwards. Now I feel like complete crap, and I think it might have been the chicken I had for lunch. I can never tell when something has gone bad. :/
I just watched Greg's video and it got me thinking. I was going to comment, but realized I was ranting; it's blog material, I think.
I say it all the time: I want to lose weight. I hate being fat. I'm not happy like this. However, I continue to choose bad food; I continue to take a day off from working out. It's a continuous cycle that is slowly increasing my weight. Then I sit there, stuffing my face, and wonder what it's going to take to make me change. I get so pissed off at myself for not truly wanting to lose this weight. Because if I really wanted it I would do it; wouldn't I? Why do I continue to choose this life that I've hated since I was 4 years old? Why won't I change after having some scary experiences that clearly depict how unhealthy I am right now? Sometimes I wish I would just have a heart attack and die already. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this either.
I feel lost.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Prince Charming
This one is about a boy. He's really not a boy, he's a man. A perfectly matched, totally made for me man. The silly part of it all is that we've never actually met (laugh, joke, call me a loser). Anyway, I've known him for a little over a year now and we're friends....kind of. Like, I find it hard to be his friend when I want to devour him. I don't mean that sexually either, it's not like that. He's super smart, undoubtedly funny, and irresistibly charming. It's probably the most cliché thing to say, but if I had to make out a list of what I wanted in a man his name would be the only thing I had to write. He's my perfect.
I usually have the hardest time talking to my crushes, but I can talk to him. He's easygoing, so it's really not a problem. Girls love him and are always flirting, he flirts back making them all feel special, myself included. It's funny how he can do it so openly and no one gets jealous. Are you starting to understand just how charming he is? lol
So my intention was to complain, but I've done nothing but sing his praises here.
The complaint: He and I will never be Us. :(
I kind of get this feeling from him that it would just never happen, even under the best circumstances. And that frustrates the hell out of me. To have found someone so made for you and know that you will most likely never be with them just kills. It absolutely kills me. Sometimes I even doubt this friendship thing we have because he is so nice to everyone and gets along with just about anyone, it kind of lessens the "I'm special" feeling. I haven't felt like this about anyone since my high school crush (he's another story).
I don't even know if it's weight-related, but it probably is since that usually rules every overweight person's life. I'm afraid of ruining whatever chance I may have with him, so I try to act smarter than I am and have learned to be fairly humorous in hopes of impressing him. When I do make him laugh or openly admire my wit it's like winning some amazing prize (other than him, lol). It's a stupid game! I'm tired of playing these games with boys. It's a complete mindfuck, and I just can't take it anymore.
I haven't actually told him how I feel. I flirt and joke, and he may know, but nothing official has been said. I use to do that, I use to tell my crushes how I felt and that blew-up in my face a few times. **Side Note: When I was about 11 or 12, I looked up my crush's number in the phone book, called him, and asked him out. Got a big no way, and that's pretty much where it all began.**
He's my fairytale Prince Charming, unfortunately only in my little dreamworld.
I usually have the hardest time talking to my crushes, but I can talk to him. He's easygoing, so it's really not a problem. Girls love him and are always flirting, he flirts back making them all feel special, myself included. It's funny how he can do it so openly and no one gets jealous. Are you starting to understand just how charming he is? lol
So my intention was to complain, but I've done nothing but sing his praises here.
The complaint: He and I will never be Us. :(
I kind of get this feeling from him that it would just never happen, even under the best circumstances. And that frustrates the hell out of me. To have found someone so made for you and know that you will most likely never be with them just kills. It absolutely kills me. Sometimes I even doubt this friendship thing we have because he is so nice to everyone and gets along with just about anyone, it kind of lessens the "I'm special" feeling. I haven't felt like this about anyone since my high school crush (he's another story).
I don't even know if it's weight-related, but it probably is since that usually rules every overweight person's life. I'm afraid of ruining whatever chance I may have with him, so I try to act smarter than I am and have learned to be fairly humorous in hopes of impressing him. When I do make him laugh or openly admire my wit it's like winning some amazing prize (other than him, lol). It's a stupid game! I'm tired of playing these games with boys. It's a complete mindfuck, and I just can't take it anymore.
I haven't actually told him how I feel. I flirt and joke, and he may know, but nothing official has been said. I use to do that, I use to tell my crushes how I felt and that blew-up in my face a few times. **Side Note: When I was about 11 or 12, I looked up my crush's number in the phone book, called him, and asked him out. Got a big no way, and that's pretty much where it all began.**
He's my fairytale Prince Charming, unfortunately only in my little dreamworld.
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 18
Holy shizz...my whole body aches from the workout I did yesterday. I mean, I did push myself...a little bit, but it was really fun too. I didn't expect it to hurt so bad. So today I hadn't planned on working out, but seeing all the amazing comments on my workout video and that it even inspired some people to get up and move changed my mind. I got my sweat on with some old school Gloria Estefan (Conga), Cher (Body to Body, Heart to Heart), and random 60's party rock CDs we had lying around. So so fun!
I'm exhausted, again. I've been going to bed around 9:30pm and waking up at 4:30-5:00am. At least the sleep thing is kind of back on track. When I weighed-in this morning I was really disappointed. Now granted I did eat more than I should have yesterday (bowl of BBQ chicken & rice, 2 slices of pizza, a huge ass salad, a couple spoonfuls of brownie batter, and 2 chicken salad sandwiches--I know I know!), but I had a fairly decent workout and got 76 oz. of water in. The scale said I was back up to 341.6 lbs. No effing way! I'm just going to blame it on the food. I don't know why I did it, but I ate until I felt sick. Grrr.
Confession time. I wasn't going to say anything; I had made up my mind as soon as I did it without a second thought, but right now the guilt is eating away at me. I had a can of Coke....and Mountain Dew. *huge shameface* I know I said I won't drink it anymore and that it tastes disgusting, but now it's not as disgusting. I don't know why I even went for one, or two. I still don't have that craving that I was struggling with the first week, and I don't feel obsessed or bound to the sugar/caffeine combination. Maybe it was the bad food I was eating (leftover pizza)? I feel like I failed today, yet I'm not completely upset with myself. My soda intake has been cut down drastically: I was drinking 2-4 cans every single day. So for that I am proud, but I did have to tell you guys.
Did you workout today?
I'm exhausted, again. I've been going to bed around 9:30pm and waking up at 4:30-5:00am. At least the sleep thing is kind of back on track. When I weighed-in this morning I was really disappointed. Now granted I did eat more than I should have yesterday (bowl of BBQ chicken & rice, 2 slices of pizza, a huge ass salad, a couple spoonfuls of brownie batter, and 2 chicken salad sandwiches--I know I know!), but I had a fairly decent workout and got 76 oz. of water in. The scale said I was back up to 341.6 lbs. No effing way! I'm just going to blame it on the food. I don't know why I did it, but I ate until I felt sick. Grrr.
Confession time. I wasn't going to say anything; I had made up my mind as soon as I did it without a second thought, but right now the guilt is eating away at me. I had a can of Coke....and Mountain Dew. *huge shameface* I know I said I won't drink it anymore and that it tastes disgusting, but now it's not as disgusting. I don't know why I even went for one, or two. I still don't have that craving that I was struggling with the first week, and I don't feel obsessed or bound to the sugar/caffeine combination. Maybe it was the bad food I was eating (leftover pizza)? I feel like I failed today, yet I'm not completely upset with myself. My soda intake has been cut down drastically: I was drinking 2-4 cans every single day. So for that I am proud, but I did have to tell you guys.
Did you workout today?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 17
I feel AMAZING!
My body wants to move, and I love obliging. Before nursing school, before I gained 50 lbs. in 2 years, I loved to dance. I danced all the time! When those pounds started creeping on, and school-related stress left me exhausted, it didn't feel good to dance anymore. Now, I haven't lost much weight, but it's finally starting to feel good to dance again. I think it's all the encouragement and motivation from the YouTube community. More people are watching now, and that really pushes me to do better. I'm regaining my passion for things, it's incredible. I'm learning to love life, just as it is.
Inspired by the H4H theme this week (exercise), I got up and moved my butt. As you may recall, I did not workout at all last week. I put on a song I've been loving lately (G-Get Up and Dance by Faber Drive) and I lifted weights, jumped around, danced, and just moved every part of my body. I took little snippets of it and made a video. I felt so stupid putting that video up there, but I was really driven to somehow share the wonderful energy I had with everyone.
I'm not a good dancer, at all, but when I drop the weight I want to learn how to dance like the cool kids on So You Think You Can Dance. :D
What are you passionate about?
My body wants to move, and I love obliging. Before nursing school, before I gained 50 lbs. in 2 years, I loved to dance. I danced all the time! When those pounds started creeping on, and school-related stress left me exhausted, it didn't feel good to dance anymore. Now, I haven't lost much weight, but it's finally starting to feel good to dance again. I think it's all the encouragement and motivation from the YouTube community. More people are watching now, and that really pushes me to do better. I'm regaining my passion for things, it's incredible. I'm learning to love life, just as it is.
Inspired by the H4H theme this week (exercise), I got up and moved my butt. As you may recall, I did not workout at all last week. I put on a song I've been loving lately (G-Get Up and Dance by Faber Drive) and I lifted weights, jumped around, danced, and just moved every part of my body. I took little snippets of it and made a video. I felt so stupid putting that video up there, but I was really driven to somehow share the wonderful energy I had with everyone.
I'm not a good dancer, at all, but when I drop the weight I want to learn how to dance like the cool kids on So You Think You Can Dance. :D
What are you passionate about?
Monday, August 16, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 16
This is going to be quick. I'm freaking exhausted and don't want to pull another stunt like the other night where I stay up for 25 hours.
Weighed-in today at 337.4 lbs. That's a 3.2 lb. loss for the official H4H2 week #1, yay me! :) A total of 5.6 lbs. down for August thus far. Pretty damn excited about that.
Other than jumping/dancing around with excitement, I have not worked out. I don't plan on working out either. I only got about 4-5 hours of sleep, so I'm still a little sleep deprived. Tomorrow will be better.
Food has been okay. I had BBQ chicken and rice, for breakfast (weird, I know). Lunch was that cucumber salad, but this time with chicken. I'm still stuffed. I'll probably have a protein shake for dinner, or I might just go to bed. Not sure yet. lol
Peace & Love <3
Weighed-in today at 337.4 lbs. That's a 3.2 lb. loss for the official H4H2 week #1, yay me! :) A total of 5.6 lbs. down for August thus far. Pretty damn excited about that.
Other than jumping/dancing around with excitement, I have not worked out. I don't plan on working out either. I only got about 4-5 hours of sleep, so I'm still a little sleep deprived. Tomorrow will be better.
Food has been okay. I had BBQ chicken and rice, for breakfast (weird, I know). Lunch was that cucumber salad, but this time with chicken. I'm still stuffed. I'll probably have a protein shake for dinner, or I might just go to bed. Not sure yet. lol
Peace & Love <3
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 15
Thank you Sonia for reminding me to blog tonight! lol
I really don't have much to say about today.... I went to bed at 5am (after being up since 4am the previous morning) and slept all day, until dinner. So obviously the food went well. I am going to workout; I'm thinking 45 minutes of cardio.
Did anyone else watch Star Wars on Spike? lol I love that channel, they always play the trilogies. Sorry this is short and boring, really not much to say. Sleep...yeah. That might take a while to fix.
Oh! I almost forgot to tell you guys. I had a Mountain Dew with dinner. Let me explain myself here. I grabbed it out of habit, and when I took that first sip I was disgusted. However, I drank it all because I didn't want to waste it. I feel kind of guilty, not totally because it's been 5 days since I last had a soda, but still. Just another thing I need to work on, but shouldn't be too hard.
Hope your Monday is amazing! <3
I really don't have much to say about today.... I went to bed at 5am (after being up since 4am the previous morning) and slept all day, until dinner. So obviously the food went well. I am going to workout; I'm thinking 45 minutes of cardio.
Did anyone else watch Star Wars on Spike? lol I love that channel, they always play the trilogies. Sorry this is short and boring, really not much to say. Sleep...yeah. That might take a while to fix.
Oh! I almost forgot to tell you guys. I had a Mountain Dew with dinner. Let me explain myself here. I grabbed it out of habit, and when I took that first sip I was disgusted. However, I drank it all because I didn't want to waste it. I feel kind of guilty, not totally because it's been 5 days since I last had a soda, but still. Just another thing I need to work on, but shouldn't be too hard.
Hope your Monday is amazing! <3
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 14
Today started at 4am. Yesterday was miserable, and I'm still recovering. I'm very dehydrated and super tired. So blah! I hope tomorrow is better.
4:30 am: bowl of Reese's Puffs cereal (sugar galore)
8:30 am: cinnamon raisin bagel w/ cream cheese (hello carbs)
2:30 pm: cucumber salad w/ bacon, cheese, & ranch dressing (yum!)
5:00 pm: small bowl of ice cream (could/should have had an apple)
7:00 pm: BBQ chicken breast & rice (so freaking good, ate too much)
My lunch was pretty amazing, I must say. I picked a cucumber from our garden, sliced it up and topped it with 2 strips of bacon and a few thin slices of pepperjack cheese. I know, I know...I should have skipped the toppings, but I needed some fat and protein. It took me 30 minutes to make the salad, and it was so so good. I never thought of having a salad without the lettuce. We have so many cucumbers, I can have this for lunch quite often. It was so hydrating, which I desperately needed. I drank 68 oz. of water today, effortlessly.
I have not exercised at all this week. Due to the lack of sleep, and more recently the hangover, I have not had the energy to move much. I'm still losing, which is so great, but I don't want to get comfortable with being lazy. Tomorrow is Sunday, always a perfect time to get back on track. I am so ready for bed, I think the sleep thing is falling into place. Hopefully the stomachache will be gone tomorrow. I want to dance, but the tummy doesn't agree with gut-crunching moves.
Oh, I spent 8 hours of my day watching and commenting on H4H videos. It was very overwhelming, I left the most cliche comments, and more videos were still coming in. I wanted to comment on everyone's video each week, but unfortunately I don't think I'm going to be able to do that. I'll try to watch as many as I can, but I'm afraid to comment on those who are not on my team...it wouldn't be fair if I couldn't get to everyone. Rawr! I wish there were an easier way.
Everyone is kicking ass, and I'm learning so much from all of you. This challenge is off to an amazing start. I hope we all stick it out for the full 12 weeks.
I need some sleep now. Goodnight! <3
4:30 am: bowl of Reese's Puffs cereal (sugar galore)
8:30 am: cinnamon raisin bagel w/ cream cheese (hello carbs)
2:30 pm: cucumber salad w/ bacon, cheese, & ranch dressing (yum!)
5:00 pm: small bowl of ice cream (could/should have had an apple)
7:00 pm: BBQ chicken breast & rice (so freaking good, ate too much)
My lunch was pretty amazing, I must say. I picked a cucumber from our garden, sliced it up and topped it with 2 strips of bacon and a few thin slices of pepperjack cheese. I know, I know...I should have skipped the toppings, but I needed some fat and protein. It took me 30 minutes to make the salad, and it was so so good. I never thought of having a salad without the lettuce. We have so many cucumbers, I can have this for lunch quite often. It was so hydrating, which I desperately needed. I drank 68 oz. of water today, effortlessly.
I have not exercised at all this week. Due to the lack of sleep, and more recently the hangover, I have not had the energy to move much. I'm still losing, which is so great, but I don't want to get comfortable with being lazy. Tomorrow is Sunday, always a perfect time to get back on track. I am so ready for bed, I think the sleep thing is falling into place. Hopefully the stomachache will be gone tomorrow. I want to dance, but the tummy doesn't agree with gut-crunching moves.
Oh, I spent 8 hours of my day watching and commenting on H4H videos. It was very overwhelming, I left the most cliche comments, and more videos were still coming in. I wanted to comment on everyone's video each week, but unfortunately I don't think I'm going to be able to do that. I'll try to watch as many as I can, but I'm afraid to comment on those who are not on my team...it wouldn't be fair if I couldn't get to everyone. Rawr! I wish there were an easier way.
Everyone is kicking ass, and I'm learning so much from all of you. This challenge is off to an amazing start. I hope we all stick it out for the full 12 weeks.
I need some sleep now. Goodnight! <3
Friday, August 13, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 13
Well, what can I say about today?
I haven't eaten anything since 10:30pm, last night. I had about 10 shots of vodka mixed with some SunnyD, at least that's what I can estimate as a minimum. I was up all night, drunk, until 11am this morning. I passed out for a couple hours at a time, and in between sleep I felt like complete crap. I still feel like crap. I don't want to drink that much ever again.
Just so you all know, I don't normally drink that much or that often. I don't know where the bright idea to do that came from, but I do regret it. I'm making a pizza now and downing a lot of water.
Working out has been a no-go. I'm going to try to get my act together and get some cardio in tomorrow. The scale continues to make me happy. :p
Happy Friday the 13th! <3
I haven't eaten anything since 10:30pm, last night. I had about 10 shots of vodka mixed with some SunnyD, at least that's what I can estimate as a minimum. I was up all night, drunk, until 11am this morning. I passed out for a couple hours at a time, and in between sleep I felt like complete crap. I still feel like crap. I don't want to drink that much ever again.
Just so you all know, I don't normally drink that much or that often. I don't know where the bright idea to do that came from, but I do regret it. I'm making a pizza now and downing a lot of water.
Working out has been a no-go. I'm going to try to get my act together and get some cardio in tomorrow. The scale continues to make me happy. :p
Happy Friday the 13th! <3
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Days 8-12
Sorry for the lack of updating; that tends to happen when you're not doing so well (or have the perception of not doing so well). Let's get you all caught up.
Day 8
Rest day! I wasn't a complete bum like I thought I would be, I danced around a little bit, but nothing I would call "exercise." Food-wise, I did okay. I stayed right at my calorie budget, but I ate a lot of carbs. Bleh. This was the last day I tracked calories.
Day 9
Weigh-in day, oh noes! I had been up all night when I stepped on the scale, and when I made my video with my body shot I had been up for over 24 hours. I need to sleep more. So, my weight was 340.6 and that is a loss of 2.4 lbs. I was hoping for at least 3, especially after working out for 7 consecutive days and cutting out 250-500 calories worth of soda. Honestly, I was really disappointed by such a low loss. That's probably why I didn't exercise.... :/
Day 10
Again, no exercise, but the number on the scale is steadily going down. The sleeping thing is still not great. I slept in until 3:00pm. I ate an apple and had chicken for dinner. That counts as low-carb, right? lol I wasn't really hungry that day. I had a Coke! I actually had 2.... It didn't taste as good as it use to or as I was imagining it would, and it made me feel sick afterwards. The reason I had 2 cans was because I was trying to make myself like it again. Why? I have no idea! I usually don't eat much when I drink soda too, it gives me energy and calories so I'm usually all set to go without food. However, I don't like the taste anymore and it makes my tummy very unhappy. I didn't think I would actually make it to that point, and now I doubt I'll be drinking it anymore. Yay!
Day 11
I feel so much better when I'm not counting calories. I kind of keep track of what I'm eating in my head and am choosing lower calorie stuff. I've actually not been that hungry these past few days. I'm also not working out. Oh, and I think not having a soda craving is helping too. I really think that's why I was eating so many carbs. But...I am drinking a lot more juice. By the way, the water intake has not been so good, maybe half of what I should be drinking. I'll work on that when I get this sleep thing back on track.
Day 12
It's almost 10am, and I've been up since 3pm yesterday. Not good! So I'm posting this early because I'm going to try napping enough to get me through the day and hopefully go to bed at a normal time tonight. The scale is making me very happy, and this morning I was so motivated to get back to my workouts. It's just hard right now being all sleep deprived and crap. But I promise that I will do something active today! I want to keep seeing that number go down.
I need to say one more thing before I stop rambling. The comments people have been leaving on my video for Week #1 are amazing, absolutely amazing! They're so sincere and so sweet. I can really feel the love from everyone and it seriously brought tears to my eyes to know that people actually care and understand. I love you guys! Here's to a fat kicking week. :D
Day 8
Rest day! I wasn't a complete bum like I thought I would be, I danced around a little bit, but nothing I would call "exercise." Food-wise, I did okay. I stayed right at my calorie budget, but I ate a lot of carbs. Bleh. This was the last day I tracked calories.
Day 9
Weigh-in day, oh noes! I had been up all night when I stepped on the scale, and when I made my video with my body shot I had been up for over 24 hours. I need to sleep more. So, my weight was 340.6 and that is a loss of 2.4 lbs. I was hoping for at least 3, especially after working out for 7 consecutive days and cutting out 250-500 calories worth of soda. Honestly, I was really disappointed by such a low loss. That's probably why I didn't exercise.... :/
Day 10
Again, no exercise, but the number on the scale is steadily going down. The sleeping thing is still not great. I slept in until 3:00pm. I ate an apple and had chicken for dinner. That counts as low-carb, right? lol I wasn't really hungry that day. I had a Coke! I actually had 2.... It didn't taste as good as it use to or as I was imagining it would, and it made me feel sick afterwards. The reason I had 2 cans was because I was trying to make myself like it again. Why? I have no idea! I usually don't eat much when I drink soda too, it gives me energy and calories so I'm usually all set to go without food. However, I don't like the taste anymore and it makes my tummy very unhappy. I didn't think I would actually make it to that point, and now I doubt I'll be drinking it anymore. Yay!
Day 11
I feel so much better when I'm not counting calories. I kind of keep track of what I'm eating in my head and am choosing lower calorie stuff. I've actually not been that hungry these past few days. I'm also not working out. Oh, and I think not having a soda craving is helping too. I really think that's why I was eating so many carbs. But...I am drinking a lot more juice. By the way, the water intake has not been so good, maybe half of what I should be drinking. I'll work on that when I get this sleep thing back on track.
Day 12
It's almost 10am, and I've been up since 3pm yesterday. Not good! So I'm posting this early because I'm going to try napping enough to get me through the day and hopefully go to bed at a normal time tonight. The scale is making me very happy, and this morning I was so motivated to get back to my workouts. It's just hard right now being all sleep deprived and crap. But I promise that I will do something active today! I want to keep seeing that number go down.
I need to say one more thing before I stop rambling. The comments people have been leaving on my video for Week #1 are amazing, absolutely amazing! They're so sincere and so sweet. I can really feel the love from everyone and it seriously brought tears to my eyes to know that people actually care and understand. I love you guys! Here's to a fat kicking week. :D
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 7
Just finished up my 30 minute workout. Feeling good!
Of course, the scale played a role in that awesome feeling too. I'm back down at 340.6 today. I'm hoping to keep it off until Monday.
Today started late; I didn't get out of bed until 3pm. I know I know, that's ridiculously late. I didn't go to bed until 5:30am. The reason I stayed in bed so late is because my mom is off today. Whenever I'm awake when she's here it's like she suddenly can't do anything for herself. That's not to say that I don't like to, or try, to help my mom out; she just lounges around on the computer and has my brother and I bring her things or do random chores around the house that she said she was going to do. I often get stuck dying and styling her hair. It's just a pain in the ass when I have my day planned out and it doesn't include pampering her. Whatever.
Since the day started late I ate lunch, dinner, and a snack. I managed to stay within my calorie budget, and after working out I am about 300 calories under for the day. I'm going to shower, get to bed, and force myself to sleep so I can get back on a normal sleeping pattern and not spend the night snacking.
I worked out 7 days this week, woo hoo!
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. :)
Of course, the scale played a role in that awesome feeling too. I'm back down at 340.6 today. I'm hoping to keep it off until Monday.
Today started late; I didn't get out of bed until 3pm. I know I know, that's ridiculously late. I didn't go to bed until 5:30am. The reason I stayed in bed so late is because my mom is off today. Whenever I'm awake when she's here it's like she suddenly can't do anything for herself. That's not to say that I don't like to, or try, to help my mom out; she just lounges around on the computer and has my brother and I bring her things or do random chores around the house that she said she was going to do. I often get stuck dying and styling her hair. It's just a pain in the ass when I have my day planned out and it doesn't include pampering her. Whatever.
Since the day started late I ate lunch, dinner, and a snack. I managed to stay within my calorie budget, and after working out I am about 300 calories under for the day. I'm going to shower, get to bed, and force myself to sleep so I can get back on a normal sleeping pattern and not spend the night snacking.
I worked out 7 days this week, woo hoo!
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. :)
Friday, August 6, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 6
It's been 4 days since my last drink. Yes, it's that serious. lol
The cravings were so strong today, especially when I saw my mom come home with a 20 oz. bottle of Mountain Dew (the same bottle I had with me at all times January-May of this year). Plus, it was dinner time. Dinner is never a good meal because my parents cook it. Oh wait; it's delicious, but it's the most unhealthy part of my day. I always had a can of soda with dinners.
I think cutting the soda out is what's making me eat so poorly. I'm trying to satisfy that craving. In the past, it was hard getting past the headaches. I don't have those now, but I still want it so bad. It's pathetic.
Today I went over my calorie budget by 125 calories. I still have to workout, and I plan on burning at least that much. It's my last night of lifting weights, yay! My body has been so sore. I haven't had much energy, my workout last night sucked because of it, and I haven't been able to sleep as well. I thought exercise was suppose to help you sleep better.... All I have is tonight and tomorrow left because I've declared Sundays rest days. I think it works out nicely since my weigh-ins are now on Mondays. Kind of like a weigh-in day preparation.
Speaking of weigh-ins, my weight hasn't budged since yesterday morning. It's pissing me off. I've been thinking about it, and even with me going over my calorie budget a couple times I'm still taking in less than before and burning something every night. The soda I was drinking accounted for at least 250-500 calories of my daily intake. So I should be losing. If my weight is the same or higher on Monday I don't know what I'm going to do. Well, I do. I'm going to cry and get frustrated, and then I'm going to get super strict with myself and eat a bunch of apples and cucumbers. I need to go raw, this whole family does.
Okay, my head is starting to hurt and I need to get my sweat on.
Goodnight! <3
The cravings were so strong today, especially when I saw my mom come home with a 20 oz. bottle of Mountain Dew (the same bottle I had with me at all times January-May of this year). Plus, it was dinner time. Dinner is never a good meal because my parents cook it. Oh wait; it's delicious, but it's the most unhealthy part of my day. I always had a can of soda with dinners.
I think cutting the soda out is what's making me eat so poorly. I'm trying to satisfy that craving. In the past, it was hard getting past the headaches. I don't have those now, but I still want it so bad. It's pathetic.
Today I went over my calorie budget by 125 calories. I still have to workout, and I plan on burning at least that much. It's my last night of lifting weights, yay! My body has been so sore. I haven't had much energy, my workout last night sucked because of it, and I haven't been able to sleep as well. I thought exercise was suppose to help you sleep better.... All I have is tonight and tomorrow left because I've declared Sundays rest days. I think it works out nicely since my weigh-ins are now on Mondays. Kind of like a weigh-in day preparation.
Speaking of weigh-ins, my weight hasn't budged since yesterday morning. It's pissing me off. I've been thinking about it, and even with me going over my calorie budget a couple times I'm still taking in less than before and burning something every night. The soda I was drinking accounted for at least 250-500 calories of my daily intake. So I should be losing. If my weight is the same or higher on Monday I don't know what I'm going to do. Well, I do. I'm going to cry and get frustrated, and then I'm going to get super strict with myself and eat a bunch of apples and cucumbers. I need to go raw, this whole family does.
Okay, my head is starting to hurt and I need to get my sweat on.
Goodnight! <3
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 5
Counting every single calorie makes me want to rip my stomach out and hurl it across the room.
The scale showed me a horrifying number this morning: 343.4. That's higher than my starting weight. What the hell? I told myself not to let the scale bother me, but that's hard. Especially when I've been cutting back my calories, not drinking soda, and working out every day (by the way, I did workout last night for 20 minutes + 10 minutes of weight lifting). I have to keep telling myself that this is what happens; weight fluctuates. That's the whole point of me weighing in every day, to see that fluctuation. I just wasn't prepared for it to go down every day and then jump right back up in 24 hours.
I did go over my calorie budget today, by about 500 calories. I blame that on this morning's ordeal. Not a good excuse at all, I know. It was carb heaven today. I still have to workout, and I promise I will. I'm proud of myself for at least being consistent with the physical activity. And...I came so close to grabbing a Coke today. So so close. I even told myself that I wouldn't count it and wouldn't tell anyone I had it, but that's not what matters. I set a goal to not drink any soda for a week, for myself, and whether or not I hide it I would be disappointing me. I'm tired of letting myself down.
So the fight continues. I will not give in.
Have a great night everyone. <3
The scale showed me a horrifying number this morning: 343.4. That's higher than my starting weight. What the hell? I told myself not to let the scale bother me, but that's hard. Especially when I've been cutting back my calories, not drinking soda, and working out every day (by the way, I did workout last night for 20 minutes + 10 minutes of weight lifting). I have to keep telling myself that this is what happens; weight fluctuates. That's the whole point of me weighing in every day, to see that fluctuation. I just wasn't prepared for it to go down every day and then jump right back up in 24 hours.
I did go over my calorie budget today, by about 500 calories. I blame that on this morning's ordeal. Not a good excuse at all, I know. It was carb heaven today. I still have to workout, and I promise I will. I'm proud of myself for at least being consistent with the physical activity. And...I came so close to grabbing a Coke today. So so close. I even told myself that I wouldn't count it and wouldn't tell anyone I had it, but that's not what matters. I set a goal to not drink any soda for a week, for myself, and whether or not I hide it I would be disappointing me. I'm tired of letting myself down.
So the fight continues. I will not give in.
Have a great night everyone. <3
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 4
7:00 am-ish.
The time I went to bed *this morning*. Today started at 1:30 pm, again. It's up in the 90's now, so we have the window A/C unit on. It's in the kitchen and hardly cools off the bedrooms. Kind of miserable.
Here's what I ate:
Chow Mein (480)
Italian Herb crackers (140)
2 hot dogs w/buns (~500)
2 cups of mac & cheese (680)
I've only had about 16 oz. of water, plus whatever amount was in my tea (had 2-3 cups of that). I'm just not feeling all that great today. I'm craving a Coke, but I won't have it. I figured I would at least make it through 7 days without any soda (today is day 2), and maybe have half a can if I'm still craving it after that.
The parentals and I went for a drive on the parkway. I didn't do too well this time. It's frustrating that I'm not consistent, and I have no idea what that's about. I'm hanging out with them and that's why I'm making this short and posting earlier than usual.
I stayed within my calorie budget, and I haven't worked out yet. I need to, and will. I'll update you on that tomorrow. Until then, have a wonderful night everyone. :)
The time I went to bed *this morning*. Today started at 1:30 pm, again. It's up in the 90's now, so we have the window A/C unit on. It's in the kitchen and hardly cools off the bedrooms. Kind of miserable.
Here's what I ate:
Chow Mein (480)
Italian Herb crackers (140)
2 hot dogs w/buns (~500)
2 cups of mac & cheese (680)
I've only had about 16 oz. of water, plus whatever amount was in my tea (had 2-3 cups of that). I'm just not feeling all that great today. I'm craving a Coke, but I won't have it. I figured I would at least make it through 7 days without any soda (today is day 2), and maybe have half a can if I'm still craving it after that.
The parentals and I went for a drive on the parkway. I didn't do too well this time. It's frustrating that I'm not consistent, and I have no idea what that's about. I'm hanging out with them and that's why I'm making this short and posting earlier than usual.
I stayed within my calorie budget, and I haven't worked out yet. I need to, and will. I'll update you on that tomorrow. Until then, have a wonderful night everyone. :)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 3
:( :( :(
Last night I was watching King of the Hill, and it was the episode about Luanne's alcoholic mother and her going back to the bottle. Then I watched Orphan and saw the mother struggle with her drinking problem, and right then I realized how bad my addiction to food is. The way this woman was struggling to keep herself from taking a sip is how I feel trying to keep my calories under control. That's sad! When and why did I let food have this kind of control over me?
I had the hardest time falling asleep last night. It's been unusually cool (high 60's/low 70's), and now it's warming back up to the 80's. I kept thinking about having a piece of brownie with caramel sauce drizzled on top; kept thinking about it...and thinking about it....after 30 minutes of thinking I went and got the damn brownie and drizzled warm caramel sauce on top of it. A 235-calorie late night snack, if I didn't have the caramel sauce I wouldn't have been 65 calories over yesterdays budget. In terms of the calories, it's not so bad, but I'm disappointed in myself for giving in and having it. It gets worse though, after watching Orphan and having that little epiphany, I ate 2 slices of pizza (700 calories). I'm counting those as part of today's calories since it was 2am when I ate it. Why oh why?! I'm making adjustments accordingly; and while the habits still aren't good, maybe this is a more realistic way of handling them. Eventually I will be eating more healthy foods, I plan on adding more raw foods into my diet as soon as I get a job.
I didn't get out of bed until 1:30 pm. So for lunch I had a PB&J sandwich and an apple. It's a satisfying low-cal meal. Dinner consisted of 3 scrambled eggs, one of those BagelThins, and a slice of cheese for a total of 470 calories. Then I was feeling hungry and had a slice of pizza (270 calories), and later I had a brownie with the caramel sauce (235 calories). I know I know, not the best choices. Not sticking to that goal I made this week too well either, huh? In all fairness, everything I ate was within my calorie budget (after I worked out), and my main focus is to not drink my calories through soda. Yes, this is how I justify myself.
My body is sore from working out yesterday, and I fought with myself to move. It's sooo hot! I can sweat just lying here watching TV. So my workout was later this evening and I only did 15 minutes. I still worked up a good sweat, thanks to the humidity. What I did was a combination of moves from Hip Hop Abs, briskly walking in place, and some kickboxing moves. Nothing too dramatic, but it was enough to wake me up and get in some cardio. I think getting in cardio 3 days in a row is the farthest I've ever made it. Woo hoo! I'm looking forward to day 4.
I got all my water in for the day, 76 out 64 oz. I've also been drinking some tea that I saw another YouTuber talk about. It's from Teavana and it's called Weight To Go!. I hate tea, but when I water this stuff down and mix it with a little grapefruit juice it's not too bad. So it adds a little variety to the endless bottles of water; I don't know if it works, but I did lose 1.2 lbs between yesterday and today. I'm just saying.... It could also be the fact that I'm eating/drinking less calories than before, moving more, and drinking a lot more water. I don't count the tea in my waterlog, so I'm most likely getting more than what I'm tracking.
I feel like I'm rambling and that anyone who reads this is shaking their head in disappointment. :/
Goodnight interwebs. <3
Last night I was watching King of the Hill, and it was the episode about Luanne's alcoholic mother and her going back to the bottle. Then I watched Orphan and saw the mother struggle with her drinking problem, and right then I realized how bad my addiction to food is. The way this woman was struggling to keep herself from taking a sip is how I feel trying to keep my calories under control. That's sad! When and why did I let food have this kind of control over me?
I had the hardest time falling asleep last night. It's been unusually cool (high 60's/low 70's), and now it's warming back up to the 80's. I kept thinking about having a piece of brownie with caramel sauce drizzled on top; kept thinking about it...and thinking about it....after 30 minutes of thinking I went and got the damn brownie and drizzled warm caramel sauce on top of it. A 235-calorie late night snack, if I didn't have the caramel sauce I wouldn't have been 65 calories over yesterdays budget. In terms of the calories, it's not so bad, but I'm disappointed in myself for giving in and having it. It gets worse though, after watching Orphan and having that little epiphany, I ate 2 slices of pizza (700 calories). I'm counting those as part of today's calories since it was 2am when I ate it. Why oh why?! I'm making adjustments accordingly; and while the habits still aren't good, maybe this is a more realistic way of handling them. Eventually I will be eating more healthy foods, I plan on adding more raw foods into my diet as soon as I get a job.
I didn't get out of bed until 1:30 pm. So for lunch I had a PB&J sandwich and an apple. It's a satisfying low-cal meal. Dinner consisted of 3 scrambled eggs, one of those BagelThins, and a slice of cheese for a total of 470 calories. Then I was feeling hungry and had a slice of pizza (270 calories), and later I had a brownie with the caramel sauce (235 calories). I know I know, not the best choices. Not sticking to that goal I made this week too well either, huh? In all fairness, everything I ate was within my calorie budget (after I worked out), and my main focus is to not drink my calories through soda. Yes, this is how I justify myself.
My body is sore from working out yesterday, and I fought with myself to move. It's sooo hot! I can sweat just lying here watching TV. So my workout was later this evening and I only did 15 minutes. I still worked up a good sweat, thanks to the humidity. What I did was a combination of moves from Hip Hop Abs, briskly walking in place, and some kickboxing moves. Nothing too dramatic, but it was enough to wake me up and get in some cardio. I think getting in cardio 3 days in a row is the farthest I've ever made it. Woo hoo! I'm looking forward to day 4.
I got all my water in for the day, 76 out 64 oz. I've also been drinking some tea that I saw another YouTuber talk about. It's from Teavana and it's called Weight To Go!. I hate tea, but when I water this stuff down and mix it with a little grapefruit juice it's not too bad. So it adds a little variety to the endless bottles of water; I don't know if it works, but I did lose 1.2 lbs between yesterday and today. I'm just saying.... It could also be the fact that I'm eating/drinking less calories than before, moving more, and drinking a lot more water. I don't count the tea in my waterlog, so I'm most likely getting more than what I'm tracking.
I feel like I'm rambling and that anyone who reads this is shaking their head in disappointment. :/
Goodnight interwebs. <3
Monday, August 2, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 2
Today started very badly. I woke up with a terrible headache, probably because yesterday's sugar intake was so much lower than my body is use to and part of that is due to the fact that I didn't have a single can of soda (woot woot). However, old habits kicked in this morning. Do you want to know what I ate for breakfast? It isn't pretty.
4 slices of toast topped with the cheese sauce I used last night (and buttered)
2 slices of leftover pizza
1 can of Mountain Dew
Oh yeah.
I almost talked myself into not including the specifics in this post, but I need to face the truth here and be accountable. I am embarrassed that I lost control and ate all that CRAP. That "meal" was about 1,145 calories. I was able to plan lunch and dinner to still fit withing my 1985 calorie budget (with exercise).
It's actually 5:30pm as I write this. Already I have done 30 minutes of physical activity, working up a better sweat than yesterday, and I'm not even hungry for the small lunch I planned. So while I am still disappointed in myself for eating the junk, I feel better knowing that I was able to stop and actually use those calories for my workout.
Since our team updates are on Mondays, I'm moving my weigh-ins to that day. No big deal, only one extra day. But, I have started weighing in every day. I'm trying not to be discouraged by the numbers (or the opposite, eating more because they're going down), but I'm interested in seeing exactly how my weight fluctuates based on what I do each day. Today's official weigh-in is 342.8 lbs. Yesterday it was 343.0 lbs. (my highest ever, suckfest). I won't be posting my daily weights here, but at the end of each month I'll post the graph showing all the changes.
Okay, so I ate that peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had planned for lunch (360 calories, funny how using the "natural" PB costs me more calories). Then I completed a simple, 10 minute, strength training routine focusing on arms. I figure my legs get enough of a workout through dancing, but when I feel like it I'll throw in some squats and calve raises. This was followed by dinner.
2 chicken breasts (small, marinated in Italian drsg w/lemon pepper seasoning, dipped in ranch drsg.)
1 cup of mashed potatoes
That's 590 calories. Oh, I forgot to mention that I had a little piece of brownie to curb the headache and satisfy my craving. Dude, it worked! For 50 calories I had something I wanted and felt better without going overboard. Small accomplishment, but I'll take it.
I lowered my water goal. This week I am aiming for 64 oz., your standard daily intake. When I am able to comfortably drink that much I will up it to 84 oz., and continue on with that method. Trying to drink 170 oz. every day is crazy; my head felt like it a water balloon when I went to bed last night. Why do I always do things so extremely? lol That's probably why I haven't gotten very far. I drank 71 oz. today, and might drink another 17 before bed.
So today didn't start out so great, but I feel awesome for accommodating for the mishap. This H4H challenge is actually working too. Seeing everyone else's motivation in their videos and getting amazing support from the community really pushed me to do better today. Thank you all for your love and encouragement. It means the world to me. :)
4 slices of toast topped with the cheese sauce I used last night (and buttered)
2 slices of leftover pizza
1 can of Mountain Dew
Oh yeah.
I almost talked myself into not including the specifics in this post, but I need to face the truth here and be accountable. I am embarrassed that I lost control and ate all that CRAP. That "meal" was about 1,145 calories. I was able to plan lunch and dinner to still fit withing my 1985 calorie budget (with exercise).
It's actually 5:30pm as I write this. Already I have done 30 minutes of physical activity, working up a better sweat than yesterday, and I'm not even hungry for the small lunch I planned. So while I am still disappointed in myself for eating the junk, I feel better knowing that I was able to stop and actually use those calories for my workout.
Since our team updates are on Mondays, I'm moving my weigh-ins to that day. No big deal, only one extra day. But, I have started weighing in every day. I'm trying not to be discouraged by the numbers (or the opposite, eating more because they're going down), but I'm interested in seeing exactly how my weight fluctuates based on what I do each day. Today's official weigh-in is 342.8 lbs. Yesterday it was 343.0 lbs. (my highest ever, suckfest). I won't be posting my daily weights here, but at the end of each month I'll post the graph showing all the changes.
Okay, so I ate that peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had planned for lunch (360 calories, funny how using the "natural" PB costs me more calories). Then I completed a simple, 10 minute, strength training routine focusing on arms. I figure my legs get enough of a workout through dancing, but when I feel like it I'll throw in some squats and calve raises. This was followed by dinner.
2 chicken breasts (small, marinated in Italian drsg w/lemon pepper seasoning, dipped in ranch drsg.)
1 cup of mashed potatoes
That's 590 calories. Oh, I forgot to mention that I had a little piece of brownie to curb the headache and satisfy my craving. Dude, it worked! For 50 calories I had something I wanted and felt better without going overboard. Small accomplishment, but I'll take it.
I lowered my water goal. This week I am aiming for 64 oz., your standard daily intake. When I am able to comfortably drink that much I will up it to 84 oz., and continue on with that method. Trying to drink 170 oz. every day is crazy; my head felt like it a water balloon when I went to bed last night. Why do I always do things so extremely? lol That's probably why I haven't gotten very far. I drank 71 oz. today, and might drink another 17 before bed.
So today didn't start out so great, but I feel awesome for accommodating for the mishap. This H4H challenge is actually working too. Seeing everyone else's motivation in their videos and getting amazing support from the community really pushed me to do better today. Thank you all for your love and encouragement. It means the world to me. :)
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween - Day 1
New plan! (Sorry.)
I decided I'm just going to record little pieces of what's going on each day and compile them together into one update video. That's how I use to do things, it made the video slightly more interesting, and it gives me a little more pressure to stay on track. So that's what's up with that.
Today started at 8am, which is an hour later than I had wanted to wake up, but I guess that's what you get when you don't set any alarms. At 9 am I had a healthy, protein-filled breakfast that actually took me an hour to eat.
I decided I'm just going to record little pieces of what's going on each day and compile them together into one update video. That's how I use to do things, it made the video slightly more interesting, and it gives me a little more pressure to stay on track. So that's what's up with that.
Today started at 8am, which is an hour later than I had wanted to wake up, but I guess that's what you get when you don't set any alarms. At 9 am I had a healthy, protein-filled breakfast that actually took me an hour to eat.
Look at this mess:
3 egg whites (w/ cayenne pepper, turmeric, & garlic powder)
1 slice of plain toast
3 egg whites (w/ cayenne pepper, turmeric, & garlic powder)1 slice of plain toast
That was followed up with slices of apple topped with peanut butter. All for a satisfying 280 calories.
Now let me tell you, this was my first time eating plain 'ol egg whites. Not my favorite, at all. They were a weird texture; I had to pair each bite with a piece of toast to get it all down. The cool thing is, I felt fuller longer than I ever have before. Bonus!
I planned on working out at 12:00pm, for 30 minutes (finishing just in time for the first team reveal), but I put Hip Hop Abs on for like 5 minutes and just did not feel like moving. I forgot that I hadn't taken my initial measurements yet, oops! So I used the rest of the time to do that. Then I watched the video revealing Greg's team, and after that I felt motivated to workout for real this time. At 1:15pm I did my first round of cardio for 30 minutes. Yes, I do plan on doing another 30 minutes after lunch. I need to, and more importantly I want to!
Lunch was 3/4 cups of Spanish rice & chicken, 2/3 cups of mashed potatoes, and 1/4 cup of cashews. That's about 650 calories. I realize that's a bit much for lunch, but it all fits within my calorie budget. I planned it all out last night. The cashews were suppose to be my AM snack, but I wasn't hungry.
It's 3:00pm, and I just watched the second team reveal. Yayyy! I'm on Jess's team and so are a few people who have been following me since pretty much the beginning of the year. How exciting!
Why is it taking me an hour to eat food? Not that I'm really complaining. Fat people eat fast, so this is good progress.
After lunch I did another 15 minutes of cardio, for a total of 45 minutes today. Then I had an apple about an hour before dinner. For dinner, things kind of fell apart. :/ I had 3 porkchops (but by the time I trimmed the fat it was more like 2), a cup of steamed broccoli with homemade cheese sauce (sorry, I have a hard time eating broccoli without cheese!), a cup of noodles, and I dipped the porkchops in some barbecue sauce. That all ran around 1,200 calories. Yikes!
According to my Lose It application I was only 160 calories over my daily budget (set at 1985). So not too bad, but I could have done better. I'm about to go to bed, and so far I feel pretty good about my first day. I didn't have any soda, I ate healthier food (and less of it), I worked out, and I drank a lot of water. Speaking of water, I didn't hit my daily goal of 170 oz. but I did drink 125 oz.! That's more than I've ever tracked before. Yay progress!
I'm so tired. A change of plan to the change of plans.... Again, sorry! I will be posting a video tomorrow in response to our team's weekly challenge. Apparently it's setup different from what I thought. So, we're just going to go with the flow. Stay tuned for daily blogs, because I will be giving you updates on how each day is going. I may not go into so much detail next time because this is a lot of crap to read and it's not necessary to be so specific. Anyway, thank you for reading and goodnight! :)
Now let me tell you, this was my first time eating plain 'ol egg whites. Not my favorite, at all. They were a weird texture; I had to pair each bite with a piece of toast to get it all down. The cool thing is, I felt fuller longer than I ever have before. Bonus!
I planned on working out at 12:00pm, for 30 minutes (finishing just in time for the first team reveal), but I put Hip Hop Abs on for like 5 minutes and just did not feel like moving. I forgot that I hadn't taken my initial measurements yet, oops! So I used the rest of the time to do that. Then I watched the video revealing Greg's team, and after that I felt motivated to workout for real this time. At 1:15pm I did my first round of cardio for 30 minutes. Yes, I do plan on doing another 30 minutes after lunch. I need to, and more importantly I want to!
Lunch was 3/4 cups of Spanish rice & chicken, 2/3 cups of mashed potatoes, and 1/4 cup of cashews. That's about 650 calories. I realize that's a bit much for lunch, but it all fits within my calorie budget. I planned it all out last night. The cashews were suppose to be my AM snack, but I wasn't hungry.
It's 3:00pm, and I just watched the second team reveal. Yayyy! I'm on Jess's team and so are a few people who have been following me since pretty much the beginning of the year. How exciting!
Why is it taking me an hour to eat food? Not that I'm really complaining. Fat people eat fast, so this is good progress.
After lunch I did another 15 minutes of cardio, for a total of 45 minutes today. Then I had an apple about an hour before dinner. For dinner, things kind of fell apart. :/ I had 3 porkchops (but by the time I trimmed the fat it was more like 2), a cup of steamed broccoli with homemade cheese sauce (sorry, I have a hard time eating broccoli without cheese!), a cup of noodles, and I dipped the porkchops in some barbecue sauce. That all ran around 1,200 calories. Yikes!
According to my Lose It application I was only 160 calories over my daily budget (set at 1985). So not too bad, but I could have done better. I'm about to go to bed, and so far I feel pretty good about my first day. I didn't have any soda, I ate healthier food (and less of it), I worked out, and I drank a lot of water. Speaking of water, I didn't hit my daily goal of 170 oz. but I did drink 125 oz.! That's more than I've ever tracked before. Yay progress!
I'm so tired. A change of plan to the change of plans.... Again, sorry! I will be posting a video tomorrow in response to our team's weekly challenge. Apparently it's setup different from what I thought. So, we're just going to go with the flow. Stay tuned for daily blogs, because I will be giving you updates on how each day is going. I may not go into so much detail next time because this is a lot of crap to read and it's not necessary to be so specific. Anyway, thank you for reading and goodnight! :)
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Tomorrow, Tomorrow!
I don't know how many people from YouTube actually look at this blog, but I have some information regarding Hot 4 Halloween (round 2) to discuss here.
H4H2 starts tomorrow, officially. Starting at 12:30pm EST, teams will be revealed (7 of them!) every 90 minutes. I did the math, if I'm in the last team I won't find out until about 9:30pm. I wrote out each 90 minute time interval so I won't be glued to the computer all day. This is serious business! :p
Tomorrow I will be posting a video that will include my starting weight, starting measurements, and depending on the time of day I actually film I may also include what workout I did/how eating went/my response to my chosen team (can't wait!).
I'm going to try to be a diligent as I can and write a daily blog describing how the day went: the positives, the struggles, all the good stuff. I don't want to bombard anyone with videos so I'm going to try to keep those limited to weekly updates. This page will be your source of daily happenings.
Now I need to do some last minute researching to create a solid plan for these next 12 weeks. :)
H4H2 starts tomorrow, officially. Starting at 12:30pm EST, teams will be revealed (7 of them!) every 90 minutes. I did the math, if I'm in the last team I won't find out until about 9:30pm. I wrote out each 90 minute time interval so I won't be glued to the computer all day. This is serious business! :p
Tomorrow I will be posting a video that will include my starting weight, starting measurements, and depending on the time of day I actually film I may also include what workout I did/how eating went/my response to my chosen team (can't wait!).
I'm going to try to be a diligent as I can and write a daily blog describing how the day went: the positives, the struggles, all the good stuff. I don't want to bombard anyone with videos so I'm going to try to keep those limited to weekly updates. This page will be your source of daily happenings.
Now I need to do some last minute researching to create a solid plan for these next 12 weeks. :)
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Blah? Yeah, blah.
I've been in a rather bitchy mood the past couple of days. I'm not sure if it's the heat or the realization that in a few, very short days I'm going to have to push myself harder than ever before or face ultimate humiliation. :/
My diet needs a makeover. I'm currently learning about good carbs and bad carbs, cutting out the latter, and giving up soda (on August 1st). I would like to cut back on red meat consumption as well, although I really don't eat it all that often as it is. A raw food-type of diet is something I would like to incorporate; basically just eating more fruits and vegetables, cutting out as much processed shit as possible. A lot of wants...we'll see what actually takes place.
It is more difficult to do when I don't control the food that comes into this house, or have money to contribute, plus my family isn't interested in following me in getting healthy. Temptation is hard to resist when it surrounds you 24/7.
That's another thing; I've noticed that I always lost weight when I was away at school (despite living off of vending machines, take-out, fast food, and Mountain Dew) and I always gained it back (and then some) when I went home. *light bulb moment*
I love my family and still feel unprepared to fully live on my own as a real adult, but I need to get a job and get out on my own. My health will continue to suffer if I don't, and perhaps once I'm fit and lean my family will start taking my advice to heart and go on their own journeys towards healthy lives.
My diet needs a makeover. I'm currently learning about good carbs and bad carbs, cutting out the latter, and giving up soda (on August 1st). I would like to cut back on red meat consumption as well, although I really don't eat it all that often as it is. A raw food-type of diet is something I would like to incorporate; basically just eating more fruits and vegetables, cutting out as much processed shit as possible. A lot of wants...we'll see what actually takes place.
It is more difficult to do when I don't control the food that comes into this house, or have money to contribute, plus my family isn't interested in following me in getting healthy. Temptation is hard to resist when it surrounds you 24/7.
That's another thing; I've noticed that I always lost weight when I was away at school (despite living off of vending machines, take-out, fast food, and Mountain Dew) and I always gained it back (and then some) when I went home. *light bulb moment*
I love my family and still feel unprepared to fully live on my own as a real adult, but I need to get a job and get out on my own. My health will continue to suffer if I don't, and perhaps once I'm fit and lean my family will start taking my advice to heart and go on their own journeys towards healthy lives.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Hot 4 Halloween
If you have a camera, a goal, a plan, determination, spirit, and the ability to update weekly then PLEASE join the Hot 4 Halloween Challenge. It's going to be a lot of fun. :)
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Can I bitch?
Do you guys mind?
Well, don't read this if you do.
I currently hold only a driver's permit. Yes, at almost 23 years of age, I still do not have my driver's license nor do I really know how to drive (safely). The first part of my bitchfest has to do with my parents putting all of the blame on me. When I was in high school, I took the driver's ed class. Having taken that class, after passing the final, I was given a little pink slip that allowed me to go to the DMV and turn it in for a driver's license. I did not have to take a driving test or the computer exam. It was a free pass. From what I remember, my parents didn't feel like going to the DMV and waiting in their ridiculous lines, understandable. Now they tell me they didn't know about this pink slip and continue to belittle me for not being able to drive and not having my driver's license.
Part two: I can't take my state board exam to get my RN license without an acceptable form of identification (i.e., driver's license, U.S. state identification, or U.S. passport). My parents finally allowed me to drive on their days off this month, and after 2 attempts have determined I am nowhere near ready for the driving test and have since stopped taking me out. So we were going to go with the U.S. state I.D. thing, but apparently you cannot have that and a license (temporary or otherwise). Now I'm left with getting a passport card. I made an appointment at our local post office to turn in the application and all the identifying materials, that appointment was today at 2:45pm. I went to CVS around 11am to get my passport pictures taken, waited around all day until 2:30pm and went to the post office.
I walk in and tell the woman at the desk that I have an appointment to get a passport card; "Oh, oh no.... I'm sorry, let me get my supervisor." Umm...okay? The supervisor comes out:
"You made an appointment for today?"
"Yes, for 2:45."
"I'm really sorry, but our lady that does the passports went home sick today."
Oh really? And someone couldn't call to tell me? I hope I wasn't the only one who wasted their time, but it seemed as if I was. Honestly, I'm not really mad at any one person, I'm just upset about the situation. I should have been notified.
So I got back home and got on the phone with a courthouse about 30 minutes from here and asked if I could come over and get this crap done. The fee is $55 for a passport card, and this place charged $25 that they got and $30 that the government/passport agency gets. That became an ordeal itself because they wanted the $30 as a check or money order and the $25 in cash or check. We don't have checks, or much cash, just credit/debit cards. So my dad had to get a money order, which he thought he could just pay with his debit card (sorry dad, no, cash only). We finally get to the courthouse, my dad signs an affidavit saying he knows me (because they also do not accept permits/learner's licenses), I show the woman my birth certificate and two photographs, I sign the application, and hand over my money. She has my application, birth certificate, proof of identity, and passport pictures sprawled out on the counter and tells me to have a nice day. What?! "You will receive your birth certificate and passport I.D. card in the mail in 4-6 weeks." Whoa...I don't like that. So now I'm freaking out about not having my birth certificate and seeing how she had everything just laying out there. This is just too much crap to deal with, all to take a stupid test.
Throw on the heat and not having air conditioning and you've got one miserable little brat here. It was 84°F in this house yesterday. I passed out and continued to nap so I did not have to feel it. Going through all of this makes the possibility of me failing the NCLEX even more devastating. Why can't anything be easy?
Well, don't read this if you do.
I currently hold only a driver's permit. Yes, at almost 23 years of age, I still do not have my driver's license nor do I really know how to drive (safely). The first part of my bitchfest has to do with my parents putting all of the blame on me. When I was in high school, I took the driver's ed class. Having taken that class, after passing the final, I was given a little pink slip that allowed me to go to the DMV and turn it in for a driver's license. I did not have to take a driving test or the computer exam. It was a free pass. From what I remember, my parents didn't feel like going to the DMV and waiting in their ridiculous lines, understandable. Now they tell me they didn't know about this pink slip and continue to belittle me for not being able to drive and not having my driver's license.
Part two: I can't take my state board exam to get my RN license without an acceptable form of identification (i.e., driver's license, U.S. state identification, or U.S. passport). My parents finally allowed me to drive on their days off this month, and after 2 attempts have determined I am nowhere near ready for the driving test and have since stopped taking me out. So we were going to go with the U.S. state I.D. thing, but apparently you cannot have that and a license (temporary or otherwise). Now I'm left with getting a passport card. I made an appointment at our local post office to turn in the application and all the identifying materials, that appointment was today at 2:45pm. I went to CVS around 11am to get my passport pictures taken, waited around all day until 2:30pm and went to the post office.
I walk in and tell the woman at the desk that I have an appointment to get a passport card; "Oh, oh no.... I'm sorry, let me get my supervisor." Umm...okay? The supervisor comes out:
"You made an appointment for today?"
"Yes, for 2:45."
"I'm really sorry, but our lady that does the passports went home sick today."
Oh really? And someone couldn't call to tell me? I hope I wasn't the only one who wasted their time, but it seemed as if I was. Honestly, I'm not really mad at any one person, I'm just upset about the situation. I should have been notified.
So I got back home and got on the phone with a courthouse about 30 minutes from here and asked if I could come over and get this crap done. The fee is $55 for a passport card, and this place charged $25 that they got and $30 that the government/passport agency gets. That became an ordeal itself because they wanted the $30 as a check or money order and the $25 in cash or check. We don't have checks, or much cash, just credit/debit cards. So my dad had to get a money order, which he thought he could just pay with his debit card (sorry dad, no, cash only). We finally get to the courthouse, my dad signs an affidavit saying he knows me (because they also do not accept permits/learner's licenses), I show the woman my birth certificate and two photographs, I sign the application, and hand over my money. She has my application, birth certificate, proof of identity, and passport pictures sprawled out on the counter and tells me to have a nice day. What?! "You will receive your birth certificate and passport I.D. card in the mail in 4-6 weeks." Whoa...I don't like that. So now I'm freaking out about not having my birth certificate and seeing how she had everything just laying out there. This is just too much crap to deal with, all to take a stupid test.
Throw on the heat and not having air conditioning and you've got one miserable little brat here. It was 84°F in this house yesterday. I passed out and continued to nap so I did not have to feel it. Going through all of this makes the possibility of me failing the NCLEX even more devastating. Why can't anything be easy?
Monday, July 19, 2010
What am I so excited about?!
I'm just going to recap and perhaps even elaborate on the things I discussed in my video.
1. You all know that weight loss has been a no-go this month. Booo! Again, that's all due to a lack of effort, same song on repeat here.
2. I am very excited to be participating in Greg's Hot 4 Halloween Challenge on August 8th! Like overly excited. I have been avoiding challenges this whole time, mostly due to school and all that stress. There have been a few challenges between graduation and now, but I didn't feel as though I could fully participate in them. (No one wants to see me in a bikini and I don't have any say/money to eat raw food.) The H4H challenge is totally doable because it falls within a timeframe that I have no life, except for September 30th and who knows what October will bring. Also, it's all about what you put into it. SO FREAKING EXCITED! :D
3. Currently, my focus is on water intake. I want to get this established before the challenge because I think it would be very beneficial to do so. Shanti's video on WeightLossLosers really helped dismiss my frequent urination concerns. Right now my aim is 170 oz. every damn day. I cannot wait to lose weight so that I do not have to drown myself daily.
4. Something else I discussed in the video was wanting babies and to start a family. It seemed so random when I threw that in there, but it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately and something I've wanted for a very long time. Wanting children is a very strong motivating factor and something that will help drive me towards success. It's really the only thing I want for myself. I don't think losing weight for me is something I actually want, or I would have done it already.
That's pretty much it.
Check out the links. Join the challenge!
K
1. You all know that weight loss has been a no-go this month. Booo! Again, that's all due to a lack of effort, same song on repeat here.
2. I am very excited to be participating in Greg's Hot 4 Halloween Challenge on August 8th! Like overly excited. I have been avoiding challenges this whole time, mostly due to school and all that stress. There have been a few challenges between graduation and now, but I didn't feel as though I could fully participate in them. (No one wants to see me in a bikini and I don't have any say/money to eat raw food.) The H4H challenge is totally doable because it falls within a timeframe that I have no life, except for September 30th and who knows what October will bring. Also, it's all about what you put into it. SO FREAKING EXCITED! :D
3. Currently, my focus is on water intake. I want to get this established before the challenge because I think it would be very beneficial to do so. Shanti's video on WeightLossLosers really helped dismiss my frequent urination concerns. Right now my aim is 170 oz. every damn day. I cannot wait to lose weight so that I do not have to drown myself daily.
4. Something else I discussed in the video was wanting babies and to start a family. It seemed so random when I threw that in there, but it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately and something I've wanted for a very long time. Wanting children is a very strong motivating factor and something that will help drive me towards success. It's really the only thing I want for myself. I don't think losing weight for me is something I actually want, or I would have done it already.
That's pretty much it.
Check out the links. Join the challenge!
K
Sunday, July 18, 2010
It's time for an update...
I plan on recording a video tomorrow to explain a few things, which will also be discussed here. I'm excited. :) Even more excited than I was at the beginning of this year. I'm hoping that means I'll be successful this time around. *fingers crossed*
See you tomorrow! :D
See you tomorrow! :D
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Nicht so gut...
Well, here we are. It's day 15 of my brand new journey. Where am I? I've gained about 2 lbs. How? I have completely disregarded my own plan. Why? Now that's a good question. I've just recently reverted back to calorie counting, something I always hated doing. There's some kind of trick to doing something you're not promising to do.
Since the 4th of July, up until today, I have reverted back to horrible habits. The past two weeks have been a big blur. I was staying up all night, and day, chatting online. The first week I got a total of 6 hours of sleep. I was drinking Coke and Mountain Dew like crazy, eating at all hours, not moving... It's amazing I only gained 2 lbs.
Right now I'm pretty tired. I spent the past 2 hours cleaning the house. Worked up a good sweat and burned a little over 1,000 calories. I plan on doing cardio and strength training later. I feel as though I need to update my YouTube channel, but I really don't have anything to report. I've been a lazy ass.
My life is getting more stressful. I'm suppose to be taking the NCLEX (the thing that lets me practice as a RN) 0n the 20th. The test center only accepts driver's licenses and passports as I.D., and absolutely no driving/learner's permits. Lovely. So I was just going to apply for a passport. It takes 4-6 weeks to get one and costs an arm and two legs. So I decided to go with a U.S. State I.D. from the DMV. Well, apparently you can't have a state I.D. and a driver's permit. Seriously? Oh yeah. So now the plan is to reschedule my exam (yay, more time to get my but in gear and study!) and get my driver's license (not so yay, but still cool). This leaves me with 2-6 weeks to learn how to drive a vehicle successfully. Yikes. I know I can do it, and I will, but thinking about these time constraints and the weight of it all freaks me out.
So yeah, things have been nicht so gut. I'm changing that today. I wonder how many second chances life is going to give me. :/
Since the 4th of July, up until today, I have reverted back to horrible habits. The past two weeks have been a big blur. I was staying up all night, and day, chatting online. The first week I got a total of 6 hours of sleep. I was drinking Coke and Mountain Dew like crazy, eating at all hours, not moving... It's amazing I only gained 2 lbs.
Right now I'm pretty tired. I spent the past 2 hours cleaning the house. Worked up a good sweat and burned a little over 1,000 calories. I plan on doing cardio and strength training later. I feel as though I need to update my YouTube channel, but I really don't have anything to report. I've been a lazy ass.
My life is getting more stressful. I'm suppose to be taking the NCLEX (the thing that lets me practice as a RN) 0n the 20th. The test center only accepts driver's licenses and passports as I.D., and absolutely no driving/learner's permits. Lovely. So I was just going to apply for a passport. It takes 4-6 weeks to get one and costs an arm and two legs. So I decided to go with a U.S. State I.D. from the DMV. Well, apparently you can't have a state I.D. and a driver's permit. Seriously? Oh yeah. So now the plan is to reschedule my exam (yay, more time to get my but in gear and study!) and get my driver's license (not so yay, but still cool). This leaves me with 2-6 weeks to learn how to drive a vehicle successfully. Yikes. I know I can do it, and I will, but thinking about these time constraints and the weight of it all freaks me out.
So yeah, things have been nicht so gut. I'm changing that today. I wonder how many second chances life is going to give me. :/
Monday, June 28, 2010
Hello Monday
I think today is the perfect day to start a journey. Mondays are usually regarded as the worst day of the week; not so when you're unemployed and looking to start anew.
Today is the day that I commit to me. There will be no more calorie counting, no more flirting with the idea of point calculating, and no more denial. I will eat what I want, how much I want, when I want. How do I expect to lose weight with such blatant disregard to the weight loss rules? Easy, I will simply eat when I'm hungry, and won't when I'm not.
Huh?! Weight loss and dieting has always been about denying yourself of the things you think you want/need. This method has not worked for me, obviously. It's time to do this the old-fashioned way and take it back to nature; do what's natural. Your body, even if it's encased in layers of fat, will tell you when to eat and when to stop eating. We just stopped listening at one point and started eating according to our emotions.
This is not some miraculous solution to the weight loss woes. Losing weight will be slow, which it should be. The possibility of gaining is still there, and will probably happen a couple of times. Nature isn't perfect, humans are not perfect, I am certainly not perfect...there will be many bumps along this new path. Guess what? That's okay! It's not about perfection, it's not about the past, it's not about the future or the what if's; it's all about right now. Making the choices right now. Living right now.
What about exercise? Again, your body will tell you when it wants to move. The body is designed for movement, it needs movement. Listen to it. Trust it! (Fun Fact: Fidgeting helps you burn approximately 350 extra calories each day, so make those legs bounce!)
It all sounds so simple written out like so. Application is the hard part, especially after years spent doing just the opposite. This is my challenge. :)
Today is the day that I commit to me. There will be no more calorie counting, no more flirting with the idea of point calculating, and no more denial. I will eat what I want, how much I want, when I want. How do I expect to lose weight with such blatant disregard to the weight loss rules? Easy, I will simply eat when I'm hungry, and won't when I'm not.
Huh?! Weight loss and dieting has always been about denying yourself of the things you think you want/need. This method has not worked for me, obviously. It's time to do this the old-fashioned way and take it back to nature; do what's natural. Your body, even if it's encased in layers of fat, will tell you when to eat and when to stop eating. We just stopped listening at one point and started eating according to our emotions.
This is not some miraculous solution to the weight loss woes. Losing weight will be slow, which it should be. The possibility of gaining is still there, and will probably happen a couple of times. Nature isn't perfect, humans are not perfect, I am certainly not perfect...there will be many bumps along this new path. Guess what? That's okay! It's not about perfection, it's not about the past, it's not about the future or the what if's; it's all about right now. Making the choices right now. Living right now.
What about exercise? Again, your body will tell you when it wants to move. The body is designed for movement, it needs movement. Listen to it. Trust it! (Fun Fact: Fidgeting helps you burn approximately 350 extra calories each day, so make those legs bounce!)
It all sounds so simple written out like so. Application is the hard part, especially after years spent doing just the opposite. This is my challenge. :)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Lists are fun, especially when they're in 5's
Top 5 Books
5. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult
4. Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything by Geneen Roth
3. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
2. Anthem by Ayn Rand
1. I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb
Top 5 Movies
5. Avatar
4. (The) Sound of Music
3.(The) Phantom of the Opera
2. Seven Pounds
1. Star Wars (mainly episodes IV-VI)
If you didn't notice, I love musicals.
Top 5 Video Games
5. Project Gotham Racing (Xbox)
4. Amped 2 (Xbox)
3. Super Mario World (SNES)
2. Donkey Kong Country (SNES)
1. Mario Kart (Wii)
Top 5 Foods
5. Macaroni & Cheese
4. Chicken Margherita
3. Broccoli & Cheddar Soup
2. Maple & Brown Sugar Oatmeal
1. Cucumber Salad
Top 5 Destinations
5. Washington, D.C.
4. Stone Mountain State Park in Traphill, NC
3. Cascade Falls in Pembroke, VA
2. Gatlinburg, TN
1. Rome, Italy
More to come as I think of them.
Make your own! :)
5. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult
4. Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything by Geneen Roth
3. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
2. Anthem by Ayn Rand
1. I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb
Top 5 Movies
5. Avatar
4. (The) Sound of Music
3.(The) Phantom of the Opera
2. Seven Pounds
1. Star Wars (mainly episodes IV-VI)
If you didn't notice, I love musicals.
Top 5 Video Games
5. Project Gotham Racing (Xbox)
4. Amped 2 (Xbox)
3. Super Mario World (SNES)
2. Donkey Kong Country (SNES)
1. Mario Kart (Wii)
Top 5 Foods
5. Macaroni & Cheese
4. Chicken Margherita
3. Broccoli & Cheddar Soup
2. Maple & Brown Sugar Oatmeal
1. Cucumber Salad
Top 5 Destinations
5. Washington, D.C.
4. Stone Mountain State Park in Traphill, NC
3. Cascade Falls in Pembroke, VA
2. Gatlinburg, TN
1. Rome, Italy
More to come as I think of them.
Make your own! :)
Monday, June 21, 2010
Beautiful Day
My family and I went to Stone Mountain State Park in Traphill, NC today. The views are amazing, it's so hard to capture on camera. Mom took a lot of the pictures because I got so frustrated with the low-quality frames my digital camera was producing. Her $200 Nikon digital is the shit.Pictures of the hike can be viewed here.
So maybe in the moment it wasn't so beautiful. It was nearly 100°F (at least it felt like it); sweat was dripping from every possible pore, lungs were wheezing, hearts were pounding, legs were shaking....we hiked up a damn mountain people! Well first we hiked down to a 200 foot waterfall, and then we hiked half of the mountain loop (approximately 2.25 miles). The halfway point was where my parents left my brother and I to wait in a parking lot, because the parking lot in which we parked was on the other side of the trail. Personally, I could not finish the hike.
Would you like to know what the other half consisted of?
Walking on top of Stone Mountain, experiencing gorgeous views like this one.
My parents are pretty fit, considering their smoking habit, but they both needed to rest multiple times during this hike. As soon as they pulled into the parking lot to pick us up my mom yelled, "We died! We died and we came back to life." Soon after they left us to finish the hike a couple we had passed earlier joked with us, "I can't believe you left your mom and dad out there." Then, "You're better off though, it's all uphill that way." Yeah, I surely would have died. I'm still disappointed and jealous that I didn't get the opportunity to hike 2,300 feet and walk across a mountain ridge. I will though! It's a goal and a promise.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Fresh
I feel so rejuvenated in a way that's deeper than any physical sensation, because physically I feel like crap. I'm finally taking control of my life and how I choose to live that life.
This freshness is the result of a book I'm currently reading, which I'm sure you've heard of: Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything by Geneen Roth. I was so hesitant to buy this book. I refuse to jump on Oprah's bandwagon whenever she brags about anything, I don't find myself benefiting from the newest trends, I don't believe in God, and I don't like being told to get something just because it helps someone else. The book was only $14.04 on Amazon.com and I got free shipping, so I thought I would just read it and give it away if I found it completely useless. FedEx delivered the book Saturday (yesterday) and I read up to the 100th page out of the 211 total.
Women Food and God speaks to those who are addicted to food (and everyone really). I knew I had a horrible relationship with food, it's apparent to anyone who looks at me, but there's just something in the way that Geneen describes this relationship/addiction and how to overcome it. In many ways I felt connected to those discussed in the book, and in others I felt as though "that's not me, but I understand." I like the book, but I also don't like it. It's very repetitive, but I also find it to be effective considering the changes it has me making.
I believe it's worth reading if you also suffer from disordered eating, but also if you want a new outlook on life in general. This book doesn't just speak to those who eat too much or eat according to their emotions, its deeper meaning can be applied to any aspect of life; that's what makes it such a great book. I won't say you absolutely have to read it, but I do recommend it to everyone. I could share details of the book here or on YouTube and save you the money, but I don't think it would carry the same message the way reading it yourself would.
That's my two cents. :)
This freshness is the result of a book I'm currently reading, which I'm sure you've heard of: Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything by Geneen Roth. I was so hesitant to buy this book. I refuse to jump on Oprah's bandwagon whenever she brags about anything, I don't find myself benefiting from the newest trends, I don't believe in God, and I don't like being told to get something just because it helps someone else. The book was only $14.04 on Amazon.com and I got free shipping, so I thought I would just read it and give it away if I found it completely useless. FedEx delivered the book Saturday (yesterday) and I read up to the 100th page out of the 211 total.
Women Food and God speaks to those who are addicted to food (and everyone really). I knew I had a horrible relationship with food, it's apparent to anyone who looks at me, but there's just something in the way that Geneen describes this relationship/addiction and how to overcome it. In many ways I felt connected to those discussed in the book, and in others I felt as though "that's not me, but I understand." I like the book, but I also don't like it. It's very repetitive, but I also find it to be effective considering the changes it has me making.
I believe it's worth reading if you also suffer from disordered eating, but also if you want a new outlook on life in general. This book doesn't just speak to those who eat too much or eat according to their emotions, its deeper meaning can be applied to any aspect of life; that's what makes it such a great book. I won't say you absolutely have to read it, but I do recommend it to everyone. I could share details of the book here or on YouTube and save you the money, but I don't think it would carry the same message the way reading it yourself would.
That's my two cents. :)
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