Why can't this be easier?

You know those moments where you feel incredibly inspired and completely in control over everything, and in that moment you are so sure that this is going to be your time and finally lose the weight? Why can't that moment last throughout your entire journey? Why does that fire fizzle out so quickly?

I keep thinking that I'm just not ready to do this, but then I yell at myself for choosing to be insanely obese. For some reason, I have it in my head that when I am ready I will feel motivated every day and never have to deal with a craving again; I'll want to workout every day, and it will feel good. That's crazy, isn't it? Losing weight takes work, physically and mentally. It takes effort, and I'm so lazy that I just don't want to do the work. I haven't been, and that's why my weight continues to climb.

I feel lost. I hate my body, I hate who I am, and I want better. This is what I think about daily. Why can't I just do what needs to be done and live a better life already? Why do I continue to hold myself back? I can't figure this out.

My obsession with food and eating is pathetic. This whole year I've been trying to lose weight without changing my eating habits because the thought of doing so upset me. "I have to start eating half of what I'm use to? No way, I'll be moody and feel like crap, I won't want to exercise and then this weight will never come off." That's the voice that starts talking when I think about cutting calories or eating more healthy. It's sad; I'm like a slave to food.

I'm finally realizing that not every day is going to be easy. I'm not always going to be gung ho about doing what I need to do. This might make me sound spoiled, trust me I'm not, but I've never really had to work for anything. There are things I choose to work harder at (music and nursing, for example), but weight loss never made it onto that list.

I want to be one of those people who can lose 5-10 lbs. in one week. Well, kind of. Thanks to a Grey's Anatomy episode, rapid weight loss scares me. I'm lucky to lose 1-3 lbs. in a week. That's totally healthy, but when I feel like I'm depriving myself and working harder than usual it's very discouraging. Even more discouraging when it's so easy to gain 5 lbs. in a week. Weight loss is such a bitch.