You know those moments where you feel incredibly inspired and completely in control over everything, and in that moment you are so sure that this is going to be your time and finally lose the weight? Why can't that moment last throughout your entire journey? Why does that fire fizzle out so quickly?
I keep thinking that I'm just not ready to do this, but then I yell at myself for choosing to be insanely obese. For some reason, I have it in my head that when I am ready I will feel motivated every day and never have to deal with a craving again; I'll want to workout every day, and it will feel good. That's crazy, isn't it? Losing weight takes work, physically and mentally. It takes effort, and I'm so lazy that I just don't want to do the work. I haven't been, and that's why my weight continues to climb.
I feel lost. I hate my body, I hate who I am, and I want better. This is what I think about daily. Why can't I just do what needs to be done and live a better life already? Why do I continue to hold myself back? I can't figure this out.
My obsession with food and eating is pathetic. This whole year I've been trying to lose weight without changing my eating habits because the thought of doing so upset me. "I have to start eating half of what I'm use to? No way, I'll be moody and feel like crap, I won't want to exercise and then this weight will never come off." That's the voice that starts talking when I think about cutting calories or eating more healthy. It's sad; I'm like a slave to food.
I'm finally realizing that not every day is going to be easy. I'm not always going to be gung ho about doing what I need to do. This might make me sound spoiled, trust me I'm not, but I've never really had to work for anything. There are things I choose to work harder at (music and nursing, for example), but weight loss never made it onto that list.
I want to be one of those people who can lose 5-10 lbs. in one week. Well, kind of. Thanks to a Grey's Anatomy episode, rapid weight loss scares me. I'm lucky to lose 1-3 lbs. in a week. That's totally healthy, but when I feel like I'm depriving myself and working harder than usual it's very discouraging. Even more discouraging when it's so easy to gain 5 lbs. in a week. Weight loss is such a bitch.
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Weight loss is a bitch and perhaps one of the most difficult journey's or challenges we go through.
ReplyDeleteThe answer to your weightloss problems is in paragraph 3. You punigh yourself because you hate yourself. So stop trying to lose weight and instead start trying to love yourself. Part of loving yourself is wanting to feel good by eating healthier options that you actually like to eat. But who cares about weightloss if you don't like who are anyway. No matter how thin you are if u.don't like u chances are no one else wil either. Work on that.first and the rest will come in its own time! You are a fantastic beautiful funny smart woman!! Don't ever forget it!
ReplyDeleteKristie!
ReplyDeleteYou need to check this out - www.12wbt.com
It is a 12 week program (well 16 weeks if you include preseason tasks)that is developed and run by Michelle Bridges (Australia's equivalent to Jillian Michaels from the Biggest Loser). I have been doing it this round and its been fantastic.. even though its taken me to week 9 to actually pull my finger out and do it properly.. other people have smashed it up and lost incredible amounts of weight and size. It works on your head as well as your nutrition as well as your exercise. its a one stop shop, and yes it is open to international people.. theres people from the UK, sweden.. from all over the world! check it out on facebook too. Round 1, 2011 kicks off in Feb.
Dottie: You're absolutely right; and I believe in that saying (however it goes) that the things worth having are those that are the hardest to obtain. lol You know, something like that. :p That's why I will never give up. You have done an amazing job thus far, you just keep kicking butt! :)
ReplyDeleteSteph: Thank you, you too are right on with what you said. The mind thing is so difficult, but something I'm definitely putting more focus on this time around.
Kylie: That program looks awesome! Thank you for mentioning it. I've reserved a spot for the next round. Michelle seems a lot nicer than Jillian. lol I'm glad you're doing well with this, that's awesome! Thank you again. :)